Ah this is a sad day. I ran out of oreos. If that damn post would have worked yesterday, you would have read about my lovely oreos but no it didn't work so I will have to repeat my cool randomness in this post but it will never be the same. Um after my ramble about food and oreos I think I talk talked about my epiphany.
~~~
Okay that was stopped 'cos Mike came over so here I'll continue. So this epiphany I had. No not a Christian feast celebrating the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi. And not a revelatory manifestation of a divine being, either. Loser who would think those. I mean epiphany as in a comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization, durr. Ah that's sad that I know the different meanings...oh ok so story. So I was sitting in first and I look over at Lauren to see her eating a granola bar and I think, "Yum granola bar...I love granola bars." You know, normal Alicia thoughts. Yes my epiphany has to do with granola bars, deal with it. So anyways because I'm weird, a Jade quote popped in my head. On his favorite food, "It used to be chicken and granola bars once upon a time but, now that I'm vegetarian, it's just chicken." And this is where the epiphany comes, I have so much in common with Jade. We both love chicken, granola bars, and gatoraide...I had a gatoraide last night. That's kinda freaky...well I thought so! Don't look at me that way. Fine. My hair is gray and purple...

You could slit my thoat and with my one last gasping breath, I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.


Jack The Ripper by AFI
[Originally by Morrissey]
Oh, you look so tired
Mouth slack and wide I
ll-housed and ill-advised
Your face is as clean
As your life has been, so

Crash into my arms
I want you
You don't agree
But you don't refuse
I know you

And I know a place
Where no one is likely to pass
You don't care if it's late
And, you don't care if you're lost

And oh, you look so tired
But tonight you presume too much
Too much, too much
And if it's the last thing I ever do
I’m gonna get you

Crash into my arms
I want you
You don't agree
But you don't refuse
I know you[2x]

Beautiful song. Like really, Davey's voice sounds amazing. You can feel the want and obsession in his voice. The song has so much feeling. If I was gonna tell someone who had never heard AFI before, this would be one of the songs, I'd want them to hear. So very pretty, ah his voice has so much power.


On The Arrow by AFI
He said, "Who truly belongs here?"
Not I she said, I'll lie here with you
He knows no one shines forever
They change with the weather

He said, "I've now stayed too long here"
Good bye she said, I'll wait here for you
He knows the winds carry sorrow
As the leaves should follow
They leave tomorrow

Fragments of joy torn apart
A freshly drained heart that beats
Disguise themselves through him
He'll say that it's nothing new
And swear this is true,for you,
I'll swallow the ocean

I'll swallow the ocean

He said, "Who truly belongs here?"
Not I she said, I'll lie here to you
I know the sorrow is sacred
And I'll never break you
I'll softly save you

Fragments of joy torn apart
A freshly drained heart that beats
Disguise themselves through him
He'll say that it's nothing new
And swear this is true,for you,
I'll swallow the ocean
I'll swallow the ocean

Now this song is another song I would say to listen to. Wow now this one has a lot of power too. It almost made me cry, actually the first time I was making this post, I got a horrible call and this song is the song I listened to 15 times in a row and just cried to it. Well anyways, this is a beautiful song, you can hear the love in his voice. Such passion, its amazing. I can't get over how beautiful it is. Well just hear it yourself and you'll see. So you wanna know about the call? Well I did have it in the other post so I'll say it hear but I am not going to do what I did last time...Well I got a call saying my grandpa is sick. His heart and lung is filling with fluid. Yeah I was crying my heart out and by the end of the post I was cursing the heavens and wishing I could switch my life for his. He took me in. I love him so much. I don't want him to go. You don't understand! And I'm crying now. This is exactly what I didn't want to do. I'm going on the same track as I did last time. I just don't see what I did to the universe to deserve all this. If I still believed, God says he would never give you more than you can handle. I don't think I can handle this. Why? Just why? I understand the world is full of pain but why me? Why can't it be a little more even? Just bite my lip and suck out my blood.

I couldn't say fuck enough. I just had this long ass post where I poured my heart out and litterally was crying and it doesn't get posted and it's lost in time. I can't redo it. Fuck. I hate life.

Am I fangirl or what? I'm reading stories of people meeting Davey and the rest of the band. I'm getting all gitty and like my throat is literally like dropping down into my abdomen after reading theses stories. Oddly enough I got a picture/idea of like meeting them with Steve (I know odd but he seems like he'd be there) and like Steve would talk away and I would just stand there starstruck and speachless and not blinking. And then Davey would be like, "Is she okay?" and Steve would say, "Oh yeah, she's just in love with you." haha I would probably do something like that too. I would be so speachless and I don't think I would be able to ask for a hug or a picture or tell them how their music has saved me. Supposely Jade is REALLY tall like over 6 foot same with Adam and someone said Davey was petite and with that I giggled like a little school girl. Someone said he is like 5' 7" so he wouldn't be a complete giant to me. I have decided that I want to give them something when not if WHEN I meet them. I think I'll make them bracelets! Maybe I'll see a picture of them wearing it! Oh my god! That would be awesome! I would faint! Jade's will be pink and black, of course and the others I'm not sure about. Supposely Davey's cheek is very soft and these stories are amazing. They had like a birthday party with this chick. I just want to have a conversation with them. I want to know them as people not the gods they are. And how cool would it be to meet one of your heros? They have changed my life and have saved me and I just can't explan the feeling they have given me. People don't undersatnd, they aren't just a band. You don't understand what they have done for people. They feel voids. There is such a connection. It's like they know your feelings inside even if you don't know them. They are healing. See and I'll probably never be able to tell them that. Gah what would I wear! I would have to smell good! Jade smells you! Ah! If I could actually get past studdering what would we talk about? I don't know these things people have talked to them about! It would be such an honor to meet them. Oh my god...Davey has such a power to make me swoon. God this picture is...wow. I'll post it.



Like wow? Yeah I know. I made it half the orginal size so that it would actually upload quickly. I have the orginal on my computer, haha ^_~. Well I'm sure that's all the fangirl you can handle, so I'll end this.

Do you know why I enjoy writing these? Maybe it's the writer in me but I love the voice. I will reread these and be like, "Wow, you can get the sense of the person." Now I'm not trying to be conceded because I'm not, I'm just saying I love the voice. It's poetic in a sense. Almost everything can be poetic. Possibly it's because I don't hide anything back so the voice seems so true. I don't know but I enjoy it. Why you read it, I'm not sure but I do love reading people's blogs, if they are good. They have to have that voice. This damn song is so fucking good! It always gets stuck in my head, haha. Oh yeah, torn apart at the seams of my dreams, turn to tears. I'm not feeling this situation. Run away, try to find that safe place you can't hide. It's the best place to be when you feeling like me, you all these things I hate revolve around me. Aw beautiful. So I downloaded 18 songs last night, haha. Oh that was All These Things I Hate by Bullet For My Valentine. Here's a list of the songs I downloaded.
~Songs From The Earth by Son of Sam
~A Box Full of Sharp Objects by The Used
~Calling All Cars by Senses Fail
~Hang Em High by A Static Lullaby
~My Curse by Killswitch Engage
~Walk by Pantera
~Our Lady of Sorrows by My Chemical Romance
~All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me) by Bullet For My Valentine
~Give it All by Rise Against
~Rolling Balls by AFI
~Prayer Of The Refugee by Rise Against
~Wester by AFI
~A Single Second by AFI
~Sacrifice Theory by AFI
~Smile by AFI
~On the Arrow by AFI
~The Lost Souls by AFI
~Jack the Ripper by AFI

Yeah I was up until 1am downloading. I would have continued but then it was being retarded. Prayer Of The Refugee by Rise Against is a very good song, I love it. Now I have 66 AFI songs. This includes at least one song from every album and EP. I told myself that I can't call myself a fan and say they are my favorite band unless I've heard music from all of their career this includes their high school days. It bothers me to hear those people be like, "Omg I love AFI! Davey is so hot."
"Which album do you like best?"
"Decemeberunderground!"
"Isn't Black Sails awesome?"
"What? Black Sails?"
"Black Sails In The Sunset."
"..."
Gah they only know Decemeberunderground and think Davey is hot. They think it's cool to like them and they call themselves, their "biggest fan." I don't even call myself that and I know quite a deal about the band but I know there are a lot more dedicated fans than me. But don't get me wrong I would competely go on roadtrips to se them and like travel with them like some fans do but the truth of the matter is, I can't. I'm in high school and I don't have the transportion. I don't have every album, I don't have tons of AFI merch. Fact of the matter, really is I'm not that big of a fan. For you I'll swallow the ocean. I still haven't decided on my Davey make-up for thursday BUT I might be dying my hair with Mike, he's being Dani Filth. Don't you just love how I jump from one topic to the next? Yes but I haven't decided. Maybe pink but I don't know, I want to make sure I really copy it, not half ass it. Wow this is a very pretty song...wow...like really, wow. Jack the Ripper by AFI. Sad that the prettiest song is about a killer. Hmm maybe this means I can finally wear the green shadow I have. A bright color shall be fun. Hmm green and yellow, hmm that would be fun. I'm gonna borrow black jeans from Erica so I have that done. I haven't decided on the shirt yet, that's a little hard. Davey has some of the most interesting clothes like his big pink fuzzy coat. Ah Davey and his fuzzy things. Still seeing if I can find some fake lashes and some gaudy rings. But really, I'm gonna have fun with this. Things like this get me excited. Erica said my poetry inspired her and that they were really good. It made me feel good. Oh and some guy said he liked my teeth but then again he was high so I don't know if he meant it. DXH Roxx! <3 Jade! Haha, unless you read Jade and Davey's blogs then that probably didn't mean much to you. While we were watching our song signs this guy was like yelling emo at Sophia's and mine. I was an example of what not to do, made me laugh. I had forgotten to roll up my sleeves and I didn't know the song. I should probably call my dad and see if I can go to the store with Mike to buy dye. I don't think I'll buy anything but who knows. I don't have much money left after buying I Heard A Voice. Which I have wrote down the time signatures for the parts I find really cute. I'm cold. Nobody was at school today, it was so empty. Everybody I have told about thursday have been, "You're dressing as a guy?" It makes me laugh, yes I am. Hmm I can wear my chain too well only one of them and it has to be the thin one because he wears one thin one. It's sad that I know his outfits that well. Haha I read a review on AFI and Rolling Stone said AFI wore and I qoute, "pancake make-up." Oh my god, I laughed so hard. I guess I wear pancake make-up too sense I've copied Davey's make-up a couple times...well okay more than a couple. Ross sent me an email, it freaked me out. He told me that Audioslave had broken up and he hoped that the song he was sending would make me feel better. It surprised me. I had 6 hands petting my face today. It was supposely really soft. Haha then Sarah claimed my neck and right boob, they have her name on them. Yeah, I'm calling my dad. Oooo Rent song. La Vie Boheme! That was weird, the phone like twiged out. Twiggy! Yes like the model. Damn girl set the trend of girls being skinny. Ah alas it was going to happen eventually. Than Eden sank to grief. Pretty line from a Robert Frost poem. His poems are all about death, its funny. Ah Mike's on his way.

Here's that picture. It's pictures form AFI's The Art of Drowning album.

3-2-1....
Here it is, the official Blaqk Audio. Music will follow. 4-on-the-floor beats and sweaty bodies not long after that.

<3 Jade

Pleased to meet me In case you were curious as to what Blaqk Audio is, it is an electronic group/band/duo, featuring Jade Puget and Davey Havok from AFI. Jade programs all the music and Davey is the vocalist.

The music, which the world hasn't heard a single note of yet, runs the gamut of electronic music, from dark to dancy to grinding. There is a full album nearing completion and will most likely be released within the next couple of months.

Yes? Yes.

AHAHAH! In case you can't tell, I'm excited. This means it is finally happening! Blaqk Audio is actually happening. Can't wait for the dark beats, the grinding, the dancing and the sweaty bodies. Only a couple month. I can not wait. So I decided on my Robert Frost poem for english. It's called The Lockless Door, it's pretty. I had a hard time deciding on that one or Reluctance. The Lockless Door was shorter so I chose that one. They were both very beautiful. Oh my Limewire is working! Haha yes, I know it is wonderful. I'm on my downloading spree. Oh I drew a picture, you wanna see? Hmm let's see if I can figure out how to post a picture...still trying...bare with me...lalala...haha I think I did it...let's just wait and see...and then it says page cannot be loaded. Loser computer. I'll try again. Haha how to land a girl, ah I love people. Oh that reminds me, I was talking to this chick and I was reading her journal and she was saying how she went to order a cd and was like, "I want to order an AFI cd." and the guy goes, "How do you spell that." He wasn't kidding. Haha and she was like, "A-F-I." Haha reminds me of the time I said, "I don't know how to spell CPR"...yeah but I quickly recovered by saying, "I meant I don't know how to spell what it stands for." That IS what I meant, I swear. I know how to spell CPR, see C-P-R. Man, did I feel stupid. So Kathie is in the hospital. Her pancris or however it is spell is like swollen. Guess what they think caused it. Drinking! Imagine that. Gah people are stupid. She is stupid. It kind of makes me feel bad that I'm a human. I understand that she was addicted and you can't help that. It's a desease but still. People are...morons. We are a disgrace to all animal kind. Yeah that picture thing didn't work. I'll see if I can upload it to photobucket then upload it to here that way. I'm so computer savey, haha. Oh you wanna hear about Zach having a girlfriend? They are so cute together. Ah the works of a new couple. They were standing so close and he was messing with her necklace and then they did this quick peck and went their sepreate ways to class, it was adorable. I was trying not to notice. It sorta hurt but honestly, I couldn't care less. Remember me saying I gave up on love, I wasn't just saying it. I truely feel like that. I have no urge to be in a relationship. I still think about it but then that thought comes in my mind but then again this might be a think I'm doing to protect myself which just makes me think that I'm never going to find a guy who will want to put up with me and wait for me to deal with that. I mean why would he? It would be so fustrating. I mean it's hard enough for me to even be attracted or even like a guy and if this does happen, it only lasts a short period of time. So I'm find without hurting another person and just watching all my friends be happy. I was thinking last night, which is probably not a good thing and I was thinking how I'm gonna be 18 in September and I've never kissed a boy. How pathetic is that? I'm gonna be like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed. I'm gonna be 30 and never been kissed. Hmm if I could, I would just go meet a guy and makeout with him but I can't. My body won't let me. It freezes. I freeze, it's horrible and if they try, it moves. It's like I have no control. And then I kick myself later for letting it do that. I just realized, that I have these like opinonated thoughts like straight edgeism but like I don't feel it. So do I really feel this way? Do I really hate drug use? Do I really hate animal abuse? Do I really care for the environment? I use to know. I know I use to really care about the environment, I mean I was the one who got everyone to stop littering but then it kinda went away, now I couldn't careless. I remember years ago, thinking of becoming vegetarian. I really wanted to do it but gave up because I thought I wasn't strong enough. Now the thought is back but it's just a thought. I'm worried that it's just a thought, maybe something I'm thinking of to follow a trend or to be like AFI or somthing like that. Is it something I, me, is it something I want to do? Am who I am right now, really who I am? Am how I'm dressing, really how I like to dress? Am how I'm doing my make-up, how I truely want to do it? Am I trying to conform like Monica and Ben think? Some days I really think I am. Maybe I'm trying to get attention. I think that I'm causeing drama and problems just so I can cry, feel bad about myself and tell people so they can feel bad for me. I'm so fake. I don't know who I am anymore. My eyes are tingling and my throat is like closing. I feel the taste of crying coming to my mouth. But I've cried too much. I'm tired of crying every damn day. I feel happy, excited, ecstatic then I go into a dark hole. I'm just tired of all this. I want to be better. I want to know how I feel. I want to know I could actually be in a healthy relationship with a guy. I want to know that I can live without drama and continuous problems in my life. I just want to live.

I'm WAY to tired to make a post so I'm just gonna post my myspace bulletin that summerizes most of my day...Here's some side points, Kathie went to the hospital and Zach has a girlfriend (forgot to post that a couple days ago). Here's the post:


Murders, theories and flowers...

*yawn* I'm tired and my eyes hurt but I guess that happens when you read 899 pages of theories and pointless babble from people.

I've heard screams, seen bloody rags, flashing images, amandoned buildings, a very shiny apple, and tons of flowers, I've called numbers, studied latin, french, spanish and icelandic, reversed audio, analyzed beeps into numbers and text messages, I've jumped out of my skin, I've seen people tied up, and people having their heads unwrapped etc...the list could on and on. This mystery is making my head work over time and now I'm off to find a new thread because this one got shut down by the mods. Plus I feel like a complete idiot. I just now, after months of reading, found out that I CAN indeed post on the forum. I can become a board member and post on some parts of the board without becoming a member of the Despair Faction. I want to bash my head into the keybpard.

Well that probably confuses people but those who've I've uttered my gibberish to, who've seen me frantically write things on my hand and who've watched me search the internet for slowed versions of videos, reversed audio and such odd things, you guys understand. 3

37! The answer is 7. Where are the five flowers? All is hunky dory...

If ya want to know anything, ask and you shall recieve. ^_^

Sickness gives people the most disgusting cough. It sounds like Kathie is coughing up her organs. It really isn’t a pleasant sound. Now it’s been a few days since I’ve posted, right? Well I do have a good reason. Kathie makes such a big deal out of not being able to use the phone whenever she wants so I don’t get on until my dad gets home. She like freaks out and has a tantrum like a little child. So my dad comes in my room and tells me that he will take her for a drive so I can get on and he will call me when they are coming back. What sounds wrong with that? He shouldn’t have to take her away so I can get online and he shouldn’t have to call to tell me to get off before they come back. A couple nights ago I was up in the middle of the night trying to find rehabs that weren’t full because Kathie was retarded and decided not to go to her appointment at a rehab on Tuesday. So other news, yesterday was fun. Mons got eight free pizzas, we went to Best Buy and I bought I Heard A Voice! I was jumping. Then we went to look at kitties. There was one for free and I could of got it but NO our stupid place doesn’t allow animals. Then we went to the bookstore. We spent over an hour there. Mons mom calls and asks when we are coming back and that’s when we realize the time. I was like, "Let’s go before it gets dark." and when I turn out of the book, I see that it’s pitch dark out. We are such book geeks. Umm what else can I say? Oh on the bus today it was funny, Josh was asking people about me. He asked a few if they would do me and none answered. He asked this guy if he would date me and he said no. That just made me feel like a boutique of flowers.
Then he asks this guy, "Do you think she would look better without make-up?"
"She’s emo."
‘Cos that’s an answer. Loser. I was denied by strangers. Oh well. I’m gonna have some pizza. I was called emo today so many times. Oh I’m gonna be Davey for celebrity day just with blonde hair unless I can find black dye. I might need to borrow a few things from a few people. I don’t know where I’m gonna find black jeans though…hmm I’ve seen him wear blue jeans but that doesn’t help…oh I’ve seen him in regular jeans but in those pictures he’s wearing light shirts. I don’t know. When I find the picture I’m gonna copy I’ll paste the link. Oh and I put chapter 4 of my story up. Go read, please.I’ll tell you how it haunts me. Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams. That’s one of my favorite lyrics. That’s from This Time Imperfect by AFI. Oh read this poem! It’s beautiful. Oh that reminds me, I need to find a Robert Frost poem.

The Spoken Word

We held hands on the last night on earth.

Our mouths filled with dust,

We kissed in the fields and under trees,

Screaming like dogs,

Bleeding dark into the leaves.

It was empty on the edge of town

But we knew everyone floated

Along the bottom of the river.

So we walked through the waste

Where the road curved into the sea

And the shattered seasons lay,

And the bitter smell of burning

Was on you like a disease.

In our cancer of passion you said,

"Death is a midnight runner."

The sky had come crashing down

Like the news of an intimate suicide.

We picked up the shards

And formed them into stars

That wore like an antique wedding dress.

The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn

As the Ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.

The few insects skittered awayIn hopes of a better pastime.

I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom

And asked if you would accompany me in a quick fall,

But you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two.

I rode alone.

You said,"The cinders are falling like snow."

There is poetry in despair,

And we sang with unrivaled beauty,

Bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.

Of blue and grey.

Strange, we ran down desperate streets

And carved our names in the flesh of the city.

The sun has stagnated

Somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon

And the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.

Still, we lay under the emptiness

And drifted slowly outward,

And somewhere in the wilderness

We found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.

This post shall be short because a) I don't have much time online and b) I'm dead tired. When I got home I was writing my story and fell asleep on the keyboard and woke with like my pillow wet. It was gross. Jade has a new blog, actually two and I commented both. He has a new background. It's green. It freaked me out. I finished chapter 3 of my story. I'm almost done with chapter 4. Here you can read it here:
http://singtometheirelegy.buzznet.com/user/journal/
I'm still tired and yet I took a nap. I have my song sign tomorrow. If I could fail, I would fail this. I should probably practice...

Imagine a girlish giggle and that would be the sound I just made. Just heard the cutest voice and if you know me at all you can probably guess whose voice it was. Ah yes, Davey’s. Though I’ve heard the interview a million times, it still makes me smile and giggle like a catholic schoolgirl.
"Hello, I am Raisin and this is my co-host Kennedy."
"Hello, how do you do?"
Kennedy groans. "I’ve got a little bit of a hangover."
Davey gives an odd but cute laugh. "Not me, not me. We have a dead president and a fruit."
"A dried up fruit at that," adds Kennedy
"A shriveled fruit."
"Now I have a question. Now my name is obvious the name I got in radio, is Havok your real name?" asks Raisin
"Obviously."
"What a badass! How cool to go through life with the name Havok."
"It’s a lot to live up too."
"I always wanted my last name to be rocks with three Xs at the end," says Kennedy"
So did I, so did I. Anything with three Xs at the end, pretty much."
"Hell I’m just gonna get it changed," says Raisin
"You have that freedom."
"Welcome to America," adds Kennedy
"Now where are you guys?" asks Raisin
"Salt Lake City which r-o-x-x-x."
Then laughter follows. Ah so cute.

The sky should be purple.
Hues of purple.
Spanning across the heavens.
Angel wings.
Feathers fall on young lovers.
Sweet kisses under the trees.
All spun around the wind.
The wind of music notes.

Don't ask where that came from...
So I could give a big long description of the last couple days but I'm extremely lazy and I don't get much time online so yeah. So you ready for a cool new list of new things? If that was a yes then you are tottally awesome like black bunnies and if that was a no then haha too bad!
~I found a new cool band, Jupiter Blue
~Check out, Anthem for the Jaded
~Zach had a hicky on his neck
~It made me laugh
~It was either that or he got hit really hard at Taste of Chaos
~The police are very nice
~They suck at disarming guns
~I shake like a hairless dog in the night air
~I posted the second chapter of my story
~I finished with chapter three
~337
~It's fun when words scroll through your mind like a book
~It would be totally awesome if I could whistle Beethoven's 5th
~That would be rad
~The radio told listeners to call to win a prize if they could say the name of the monkey in The Lion King
~That is totally my question
~I called too late
~It's still rolling like a perm
~But only when it's not holding shit down like a hairnet
~Sophia and I watched Love Like Winter (Long Version) and tried our best to stop it on the secret flashes
~Damn AFI and their subliminal messages!
~Ah but I love them for it
~Below the threshold of conscious perception.
~Haha threshold
~My tummy is growling
~Rawr
~You know what would be awesome?
~Yeah I tottally agree
~Great minds think alike
~You're so smart
~You can like totally read minds
~You are like my new hero
~Like, like, like oh my god!
~Hahaha
~I got less than a second on my arm hang test
~That's quite pathetic
~I got 13 inches on my arm reach test though
~I'm pretty flexible for someone who hasn't stretched in ages
~Ah the sun rises!
~You can hear when the heart stops
~I've got mail!
~I got a message from Lostprophets!
~I'm that cool!
~Ian is hot
~Haha they added me as a friend
~I shall add them back
~Kinda embarrassing when I have pictures of the lead singer shirtless on my profile
~Oh my god, whoa totally had a connection with this guy in this chicks story
~Hmm so I'm not the only one.
~Oh do you want to know what I meant above about being cool?
~No? Okay
~Haha kidding, It would be cool if my limewire was working
~I have a huge list of songs I want to download
~Though I'm the one that bleeds...
~Mushy carrots from pot roast are the best!
Music: You Eclipsed by Me by Atreyu
Random thought: Food smells great
Mood: indifferent

You Eclipse by Me by Atreyu
I began my ascent at minus zero
You made so sure of that
You tried to keep me down here
Your complacency has been your downfall
Nobody made you king of the world
And now I'm here to dethrone
So kiss the ring motherfucker
It's my time, my time to shine
Grasping for the straws as they fall
Maybe you can make a splint for your broken ego
For your broken ego
And I say thank you for the scars
With the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
Did you take me for, a fool
Or were you just too blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me
Hate can be a positive emotion
When it forces you to better yourself
You built me, constructed my desire
Perfected my hatred
Now I'm driven to be ten times better than you think you are
Ten times better than you think you are
Piece by piece I've built my walls
And burned my bridges down
That lead back to people like you
So full of malice, so full of scorn
You tried your best to crush my spirit
You tried to steal my soul
You pushed my back against the wall
And I broke it down
I will not be broken
Though I am the one that bleeds
I will not be brokenI am the one(x3)
And I say thank you for the scars
With the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
Did you take me for, a fool
Or were you just too blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me
There is no destroying me
No there is no destroying me

Yesterday was pretty bad so I'm just gonna go over some main points. I woke up. Sophia said her dad didn't want anyone over. Dad told me he pretty much wanted me out of the house. Went to Monica's. Ben, Monica and I went to see Music and Lyrics. An angry lady got made at Monica and wanted to start a fight. Mom call during movie. When we left, Monica and Ben get in fight. Monica almost get us killed. I got all mad and pissy. Didn't call mom back. Get home, listen to music. Kathie and dad get home. Talk to mom, she has own place and cell now. Have fight with dad where I yelled. "I don't want to live anymore! I can't handle this!" Then I go lay in the dark, cry and strangle myself. My dad gave me dinner but I didn't eat it. I went to sleep. People call at midnight.
That was yesterday. Today I went to my sister's dedication. I woke up at 8 and got ready. I had to make sure I looked all gothic. I wore my kinda bondage pants and all black. I melting my eyeliner and made a line a couple inches past my eyes. I have a couple pictures and one with my sister but I don't want to show them because I got to see how fat I've gotten. I didn't realised how big I was getting. I can see it in my face, its disgusting. So I'm gonna lose weight to my healthy weight. Well anyway, Kathleen didn't give a very big reaction to me. That made me sad. But it was only because Penny's grandparents were there. She called my dad later and asked him how he let me out of the house looking like that. My dad told me that he was glad and was hoping I would dress like I did. I actually got a compliment at Ihop. This chick looked at me and pointed to her eyes and said, "Eyes." I took that as a compliment but I'm not completely sure if it was. During the sermen, they were like, "We have these pack that have a booklet, a dvd and if you have a movie, you have to have popcorn." I turn to my dad and was like, "I want popcorn." So we got a package thing. I took the popcorn and got rid of the rest. That was pretty much my day so far.

This was written last night, by the way but I had fallen asleep on the keyboard so it didn't get posted.

Today was…what’s a good word? Today was perplexing and lack of sleep wasn’t much help either. I was awoken last night around 1am by this annoying high-pitched scream…and it was my name. Kathie was saying something about a gun. I just laid there kind of numb I guess. I just listened to them fight and the only thing that stirred any emotions in me was when Kathie brought me into their argument by saying he was going to hurt me. That is the one thing that pisses me off more than anything. They can fight but don’t use me as a chip and try to use me to make the other person feel bad. I didn’t sleep much after that. I got ready like usual and because I hadn’t showered the night before, my hair was still fairly straight and didn’t have to spend much time on it which gave me extra time. I decided to go to the computer to see if I could listen to Catch a Hot One by AFI once before I left. My dad came out and I was grabbing some candy, he touched my coat and said that it was still soft. I just walked away. I couldn’t believe he was acting like nothing had happened last night. For christ sake, he had held a gun to himself! I just turned the song off, grabbed my bag, said "Bye, love you." and left. I didn’t want to deal with it. When I got to the bus stop I had my weird numb feeling like normal but it was different. I had a feeling that I was gonna cry by the end of the day…yeah it didn’t take long. Josh gave me a Kit-Kat on the bus. It was his way of helping and it did. When I got to school, I went to the orchestra room with Bryan and Josh and we saw Mons and Ben. I started to help Mons study when she asked what was wrong. I told her nothing but she could tell I was lying and so I told her then I started crying. Yeah so we walked to the locker but I hadn’t done my math homework so I was gonna do it in first so I kept my book and while going up to the 3rd floor, I lost Monica. So I was walking and kind of with my head down. I still had my hood on. I had stopped crying by then. When I got to the 3rd floor, I tried to make it in the Chemistry room without anyone seeing but I didn’t make it and Mike made the most fucking awful comment ever.
"Don’t look so emo."
I looked up at him with daggers in my eyes. "Shut up."
And with that I stormed into the room. I went to my seat as slowly as I could. I felt awful. I noticed that Meggs had followed. She came over and asked what was wrong and I broke down. I cried so hard on her shoulder. I was like hyperventilating. The few other students in the classroom got uncomfortable so I decided to go to the bathroom. Before leaving the room, I asked Mr. Boyd if the bathrooms on this floor were open. He didn’t know and it ended up that they weren’t. Dumbass people. So we stood by the bathroom door and I cried. Kelsey walked by and she stopped. I told her what happened.
She was like "We need chocolate. Chocolate makes everything better."
And this advanced to boys dipped in chocolate, which evolved into us going to Medford, drugging and then kidnapping Davey and dipping him in chocolate. That did cheer me up a bit. So after this we went to class. Steve gave me a nice and long hug. The whole period, I helped Mons study and I kept my hood on the whole time. I wasn’t asked to put it down until partly into English. Today was our first advisory day. That was after 3rd and we learned about our culminating project…well sorta. Lunch was fun. I bit Ben in the back a couple times and we hung out in the sub basement. I did badly on my health test. In 5th I just told Sophia what had happened and listened to music the whole time. Sophia and I are suppose to hang out tomorrow and I’m gonna spend the night at her house. Sunday I might go to Emily’s dedication so I wanna dress all scary and gothic and she’s gonna help me…if my dad even lets me go. He doesn’t know if he want’s the conflict. So after that I had my math test. It wasn’t so bad. On the ride home, Josh and I just chatted. When I got home, I found my dad home and found out that Kathie has been going out and buying booze while we were gone. She is going to go to detox next week or something because if she goes cold turkey she might have seizers or however they are spelled. For a couple of hours, I worked on the AFI mystery. Later, Mel and Mons show up. It freaked me out because I was home alone and such. They were having their date and were in these short dresses. They brought food, we talked then they left. Then we went out to dinner. We went to Red Lobster but I was in a weird mood and wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to eat so all I got was some clam chowder. My dad ordered two shots for Kathie. I don't understand, why give alcohol to someone about to go to detox? I don't know, I don't want to think about it. Behind us were two guys on a date, they were cute and next to us were two lesbians. I’m not gonna lie, they weren’t very pretty. My dad and Kathie like freaked out and was like, "What’s this world coming to!" I just ignored them. They talked and I just sat there with my hood up, stirring my water. My subconscience was in deep thought or something but I was thoughtless. I pretty much just stared blankly into my water. I had no thoughts. So then I came home and took a long shower. It felt good. I have to call Sophia.
Music: None
Random thought: Famous Last Words by MCR is stuck in my head
Mood: Tired

Aw, high school drama. It makes life so interesting and stressful. Here's a conversation I had with Adrain:

dumbA55guy: hey
dumbA55guy: are you busy?
DogFan48: hi
dumbA55guy: do u know steve munber?
dumbA55guy: ??
DogFan48: No I don't
dumbA55guy: number*
DogFan48: why?
dumbA55guy: FUCK
dumbA55guy: god damn it
DogFan48: why do you need it?
dumbA55guy: cause ppl r sayign nicole is with him
dumbA55guy: ad i need to talk to her
dumbA55guy: and her mom wantsme to find er
DogFan48: oh hmm kelesy lewis has his number
DogFan48: I have is old number
dumbA55guy: omg alicia
dumbA55guy: im so scared right now
dumbA55guy: nicle has neer lied to me b4and she did tday
DogFan48: What she lie about?
DogFan48: I'll see if I can get the number
dumbA55guy: i got to school and we were goingto stay after school today and i talked to her right after school she told me that she had to much hw to do so tay after and then i caleld her house and she hasnt been home yet and her friends r tellign me shes with steve
DogFan48: hmm ok, I'm gonna get the number for ya
dumbA55guy: im not calling lolcan u?
DogFan48: ...yeah I can
dumbA55guy: and im so scared u dont evenknow
DogFan48: It's okay
DogFan48: I'll find out if she's with him or not
dumbA55guy: ok
DogFan48: ok I have steves number
dumbA55guy: who u get it from lol?
dumbA55guy: ok can u cal PLZ
DogFan48: I got it from Lewis
DogFan48: I'm calling now
dumbA55guy: oh
dumbA55guy: kk thabnk
DogFan48: yeah
DogFan48: I called and its his dads cell and dad said Steve was at home and that he will be home in an hour so I wont know if steve is with nichole or not until Steve's dad gets home
dumbA55guy: fucking a
dumbA55guy: im so scared
DogFan48: I'm sure she's okay
DogFan48: the moment I know, I'll tell you
dumbA55guy: mi not
dumbA55guy: ok
dumbA55guy: i think she cheating n me now
DogFan48: with Steve?
dumbA55guy: yeah
dumbA55guy: or with somebody
dumbA55guy: cause she told me she was with him the other day sad he said he like somebodybut she said he wouldnt tell her and now shes fuckign missing with him
DogFan48: Steve knows you two are dating, I know him and he wouldn't do anything with her
dumbA55guy: welli dont trust ANY guy with her
dumbA55guy: why would she lie to me then?
DogFan48: Hmm I don't know
dumbA55guy: yuee
dumbA55guy: you see*
dumbA55guy: alica
dumbA55guy: :'(
DogFan48: I'm sorry
DogFan48: Maybe she has a good reason
dumbA55guy: omg im literally freakign out
dumbA55guy: i dunno what would be soo good to lie about
DogFan48: Maybe something happened after she talked to you
dumbA55guy: like?
dumbA55guy: she would have called me or SOMEBODY
dumbA55guy: i dont know what to do
DogFan48: I think all we can do is wait
dumbA55guy: i cant wait
dumbA55guy: god im gunna do something fuckign stupid sooner or later i know it
DogFan48: Please don't
DogFan48: It will be alright, we just have to wait
dumbA55guy: omg
dumbA55guy: this isnt even cool
dumbA55guy: its not that easy
dumbA55guy: shes cheating on me i kno it
DogFan48: I can't see her doing that
dumbA55guy: i cant see her lying to me
dumbA55guy: honestly she better have a good reasonor im just gunna break up with her
dumbA55guy: im take take it
dumbA55guy: its all my fault
DogFan48: It's not your fault
DogFan48: she controls her actions
DogFan48: Son't blame yourself
DogFan48: Don't*
dumbA55guy: yeah its myafault
dumbA55guy: i ased her if something was wrong and she said no
dumbA55guy: but i knew something was wrong
DogFan48: We all make mistakes
dumbA55guy: but stil
dumbA55guy:
dumbA55guy: i should havae known something was wrong
dumbA55guy: andi shouldnt have left her
dumbA55guy: there lots of reasons i can think of why somehting would be wrong and its all my fault
dumbA55guy: shes home
DogFan48: I just got a comment from Erica...
DogFan48: You got a call?
dumbA55guy: yea
DogFan48: where was she?
dumbA55guy: "walking home"
DogFan48: thats a long walk...
dumbA55guy: seriously
DogFan48: Steve is at her house
dumbA55guy: no
DogFan48: thats why Erica just told me
DogFan48: what*
dumbA55guy: WTF
dumbA55guy: wtf
dumbA55guy: now shes telling me she wasntwith him
dumbA55guy: but for like 10 min
dumbA55guy: thts it
DogFan48: It could be true, I don't know. Why did she take such a long walk?
dumbA55guy: she felt like it
DogFan48: hmm
DogFan48: Ok I just got a message from Erica
dumbA55guy: k
DogFan48: Its loading, one sec
DogFan48: She was with him
dumbA55guy: for how long
DogFan48: I don't know, But she said "nevermind, she WAS with him."
DogFan48: "never mind she WAS with him.
then she came home i didnt go home so i guess hes not. never mind."
dumbA55guy: ok
dumbA55guy: i dunno what to do
DogFan48: Well Steve is still gonna call me later so he should be able to give me more details
DogFan48: "at the park with a whole bunch of peple. then came home... "
dumbA55guy: who said that?
DogFan48: Erica
dumbA55guy: thats where she is?
DogFan48: Huh? Nicole was at the park
dumbA55guy: nicole was at the park with steve and a bunch of ppl
DogFan48: yeah
dumbA55guy: ill brb
DogFan48: ok
dumbA55guy signed off at 6:43 PM

Yeah I was trying to help him feel better but the signs sorta seemed like that she was/and/or cheating on him. Steve still hasn't called me so I don't know. It was odd talking to his dad though...Well we'll see if anything changes....
Tonight...in a half a hour, Taste of Choas starts...sad...maybe I'll listen to some of the bands...Today, well what I remember wasn't all that interesting. When I got home, I made some signs for Joey. You can see them here, http://s78.photobucket.com/albums/j107/DogFan48/Me/For%20Joey/
It was fun. Maybe I'll make signs more often. In English today, our teacher left and we got a sub. Meggs and I talked pretty much all period. Oh dang I have a lot of homework tonight...I love you megan! Haha...umm Third period, I had a test...health, I had some Fitness Test things to do and have a test tomorrow. Uh 5th...just graded things. In math, it was amazing, we did our work! On the bus Josh was telling me about how he sees guys checking Mons and Mel out all the time. It's funny 'cos I do it all the time but no one really notices...or at least says anything. Like at lunch, Josh was talking to me and I was looking right past him at Zach walking by. I was listening and then Josh goes,
"Are you looking at Zach?"
My eyes snap back to him and reply, "No."
He turns to look himself. He tells me later that he hadn't seen him so wasn't sure if I had lied or not. I told him I lied. Its like I have a radar, I know when he's around. Something about him just fasninates the hell out of me. My attractiveness to him is fading but I just like obessing and he still fasninates me. There are just people who fasninate me. Even if I'm not attracted to them, they will fasninate the living day lights out of me. Steve fasninated me. This guy in my health class kinda fasninates me. This Robbie kid in my math class kinda fasninates me. Girls sometimes do too but it's usually guys. Another odd thing about me, I'm attracted to smells like Mike smells good a lot and Josh can smell really good someimes...I kinda smell people and I feel extremely weird for doing this but...I smelt Zach...we were like really close like I mean close and well I sorta kinda leaned in and sniffed...I'm crazy. He didn't have a smell. It made me sad. If he would have smelt good...oh my god, I would have been in a daze. Good smelling guys have a weird affect on me, it's kinda like I'm like drawn to them and like want to jump them but like froze but not and light as air. It's a crazy feeling. And I think I'm crazy...I've noticed that in our group, there's a lot of people who like s&m. Ben does, Mike likes to be bit and probably more, Mons wouldn't mind tying Ben up, Mel kinda has that feel too. I've haven't really been open but I'm into it too like I like to be bit...it felt good when Mike showed me but I also wondered and thought to be bit would feel good for awhile now but was sorta ashamed and one of my fantasies is to be tied up. I'm a freak...
Well now that I have like shared some deep things about myself...
Music: I Want to be Buried in Your Backyard by Nightmare of You
Random thought: Why hasn't Steve called me?
Mood: Blah

I Want to be Buried in Your Backyard by Nightmare of You
The streets are all violent with murderous excitement
The hunter and the prey are dancing everyday that waltzing jibberish
Where intake becomes outlandish
I'm in a bad way every passing day
"So where do do we go from here"
I'll say you're a shinging star, you'd do great in LA
And i keep fixing every habit that i break
Oh, megan, is this thing of ours still on?
For i haven't slept a wink since you've been gone
Now i want to be buried in your backyard
And when the flowers grow,
Just know you're still in my heart.
A flash of dark interest steers us into a car crash
Uniting our remains,
A firey hurray our hands touch unnoticed
Pressed up against melting glass
And you're calling out my name as the air escapes.
"So where do do we go from here"
I'll say you're a shinging star, you'd do great in LA
And i keep fixing every habit that i break
Oh, megan, is this thing of ours still on?
For i haven't slept a wink since you've been gone
Now i want to be buried in your backyard
And when the flowers grow,
Just know you're still in my heart.

Today was fantastic! It amazed me, I thought it would suck. The english language can go to hell. There is not a word near enough colorful and power enough to describe how ecstatic I am at this very moment. Well I didn't expect there to be anything special about today, it's usually just a normal day. It's not like I have someone to be my Valentine so to be like Anti-Valentine, I wore all black and wore my AFI shirt because that is who I love. Well anyway, like I thought it was a normal day but I was surprised when I got a little piece of candy from Elyssa. I had a test in Chemestry and I cheated on part so I'm sure I got an A. English made me laugh. We had to write a thing on how love complicates life. The teacher told this story of this chick who was like in love with this guy and like stalked him and stuff and the whole time I was trying so hard not to laugh.
I turned to Meggs, "Sound familiar?"
She laughs but really I'm not as bad as this chick was. Well anyway, the rest of the day was the same. At lunch though this guy Josh runs by and I turn to Ben and go, "Did he just have a bouquet of stems?"
"I think so."
Well then the guy runs by again but without the stems.
Ben yells, "Why are you holding a sign with your own name?"
"I like my name, it's very pretty." Then he continues to run.
I yell, "Why did you have a bouquet of just stems?"
"They were for Ms. Brady."
Ben and I laughed. Well that was pretty much it for the day. So I stayed after for environmental club but no one else really showed up because it was Valentines Day and all and who would stay after for club when they had Valentines, right? So when it was over I grabbed a ride with Josh and his mom. They dropped me off and I headed straight for my room to change into my pjs and to put my stuff away like I did everyday but something stopped me and I decided to put my cell near the computer because that would be my next stop. While I was heading to the computer, I noticed a big Fed Ex bag. Fasinated, I dropped my bag on the floor and went to it. I picked it up and found it was squishy... I was getting excited. I looked down at the return address to see the wonderful letters, Cinderblock. I flipped and screamed, "Oh my god!" I think Kathie said something but it went in one ear and out the other with no thought. I reached into my pocket to throw my phone down but found it had fallen out of my pocket. I gave it no second thought and ran to Kathie, litterally ran. I kinda slid on the hardwood floors.
"Oh my god, oh my god..." that was repeated. "It came! I thought today would suck, it always does. Oh my god!
"I thought you had seen a group of spiders."
I started jumping up and down. "Oh my god! Oh my god!"
I ran out of the room and grabbed a knife. I frantically ran back...yeah I know dangerous running with a knife. I sliced the bag open while repeating, "Oh my god," over and over. I don't think I have said oh my god that many times in my life. I slid out the second bag. This was my first glance at the beautiful AFI logo and black fabric. I tore open the plastic bag and held the beautiful fabric in my hands. I started jumping up and down again. I unfolded the jacket and looked at the beautiful scene on the front. I was still repeating oh my god. I read the beautiful cursive hand on the front under the tree that read, "I promised you a heart, you'd promise to keep. Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep." I squealed and ran to Kathie telling her to feel how soft it was. She felt it and I started pacing while still repeating the oh my god phrase.
Kathie laughed and siad, "I'd think that Davey was here but I guess a part of him is."
I ripped off my jacket and put on my new one. It's so soft! The cuffs are tight but that will stretch. I ran out of the room because I had to get on AIM tell Josh that my phone was in his car. So I did that and got my phone back. I'm still wearing my coat...I can't wait till tomorrow to show it off. Steve is gonna jump me. Haha I'm gleeful! My dad just open the door, I takled him and was like "I love you!" Then he handed me a box of chocolates! This is the best V-day ever!
Music: To the Rats by Trivium
Random thought: It's so comfy!
Mood: Ecstatic/Tired

To the Rats
You hide behind barricades
Built up inside, you think you're safe
But someday we all will find you
Come to where you work
And fucking tie you
Every lie, shoved back
Down your throat, by our hands
A skull-fuck
For every word
You try to breathe
Don't fuck with this
Break every bone in your face
If you mess with my life I
'll mess with your blood
And bury you
In a coffin made of your
A coffin made of your deceptions
Obsess as each second fades
In denial of your mind made
Still your jealousy precedes you
You're really in love with all that I do
Every lie, shoved back
Down your throat, by our hands
A skull-fuck
For every word
You try to breathe
Don't fuck with this
Break every bone in your face
If you mess with my life
I'll mess with your blood
And bury you in a coffin made of your
A coffin made of your deceptions
This is to the rats
This is to the rats
This is to the rats
This is to the rats
And your conscience still tears at you
You secretly want to be just like me
A skull-fuck
For every word you try to breathe
Don't fuck with this
Break every bone in your face
If you mess with my life
I'll mess with your blood And bury you
In a coffin made of your
A coffin made of your deceptions
Break every bone in your face
If you mess with my life
I'll mess with your blood
And bury you in a coffin made of your
A coffin made of your deceptions

Here is a song interpretation of 3 1/2 by AFI, I wrote for this site, http://www.songmeanings.net/lyric.php?lid=13882&flush=true

I got the feel of suicide so here is a line by line interpretation on what I think.

"Open wounds in the palms of my hands,"
I think this means like him paying for his sins/actions like in christianity Jesus got nailed through his palms. I know Davey in these albums sing about his feelings and all but that doesn't mean that he still couldn't use a bible reference to show his feelings. He did go to a catholic school as a child and this wouldn't be the first time he's used a reference.

"festering through infectious time."
He is becoming an inrritaion or poison to himself as time goes by.

"I feel so faint as my life spills over you."
He can't hold in his feelings and problems in anymore and it is "spilling" out of him and affecting the people around him and making him feel worse.

"Backstep over glass as I repent."
As he looks back at all the hard times and he feel regret and remorse for all that's happened.

"I fear I cannot prevent myself from spilling your life all over me."
He is trying to help other people and can't help himself in trying to take everyone else's problems.

"I'm so sick, so sick of myself."
Pretty literal. He is tried of himself, he can't stand who is.

"Mother, say you'll pray for me."
Again pretty literal. He wants help. I also got the impression that he wants the prayer to guide his spirit to heaven/afterlife when he kills himself.

"I'm premature in my decay."
He is "dying" slowly at a young age. This pain and slowly decay of his mental health shouldn't happen to someone so young.

"Shards of glass swimming in my eyes."
Like the people above these are his tears.

"A small voice in the back of my mind that's whispering words I never want to hear."
Everyone has a voice in the back of your head that is always talking. This is the voice that tell you that you are going to fail a test or that you should be carefull and such. It doesn't always says things you want to hear. From experience I have found that the voice can be against you and can tell you to kill yourself. I think that is what the voice is telling him but he is resisting.

"I pray that you won't hesitate as you watch me degenerate to reach in my wounds and extract all of my fear."
Now degenerate means to have fallen to undesirable state so with that I think this is a call for help. He wants the people around him to help him and take away his fear either in helping him get better or help him in finalizing his decision to kill himself.

"My suffocation, asphyxiation. I've been choking on my own blood."
His very being is killing him. He feels it's something unavoidable because he is the problem.

Those are my thoughts but AFI is mysterous and don't have specific meanings to their songs, so there you go.

Show me how to shine now.
*Awesome guitar solo! With awesome ninja like riffs flying everywhere!*
Have you turned, turned to dust?
I saw an insect learn to fly;
Have you ever seen the kingdom of the flys? (its form was scorned)
Have you lost the sense of touch?
I saw it stay in sovereignty.
Have you ever turned to dust?

That would be Catch a Hot One by AFI. Great and awesome song.


Lie in comfort of sweet calamity with nothing left to lose.
Lie in the darkness, I'm slowly drowned to sleep
Nothing left to lose.
Three tears I've saved for you.
I'd retrace the steps that lead me here but nothing lives behind me.
So I lie in this field bathed in the light that loves me,
With nothing left to lose.
Three tears I've saved for you.
Will you be my, be my beloved?
Will you help, help me to get through?
Will you be my, be my destruction?
Will you help, help me to be through?
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Will you be my, be my beloved?
Will you help, help me to get through?
Will you be my, be my destruction?
Will you help
Three tears I've saved for you

Ever And a Day by AFI. Beautiful song. Will you be my beloved? Hmm reminds me so what shall I do for Valentines Day? Probably nothing. Got no one to spend it with so it's just another day. And then right now I see Kathie and my dad kiss...oh well like I said, I gave up on love. Hmm nice, my dad didn't even say hi to me...I'm so loved. Bah. So last night Josh said he had a present for me but I don't know what it is. He didn't mention it today so he either forgot or he is waiting for tomorrow. I don't like not knowing things. Oh now my dad says hi to me. He asked me how long till my jacket arrives...2 to 6 weeks...I'm checking now to see where they are. It says domestic orders take 3 to 7 business days...haha so he says it should come by Friday! Yay! That's much better that 2 to 6 weeks! Can't wait. I hope it fits. I got in size small...I'm figuring it's in guy sizes 'cos it didn't say...It would suck so much if it was too small. I just didn't want it to be big 'cos my jacket right now makes me look fat and I feel comfy but fat in it plus it has that stupid paint stain on it. Well yeah , anyway. So today...umm lets see...nothing to interesting or at least nothing I can remember. I found out what had happened with Kathie at the hospital. (I die in the daytime!) She didn't need a blood transfusion...imagine that. It had actually gone back to normal. She has a bladder infection though and under the insision is something rather, that's why she's still in pain. Yeah they have her on antibiotics...yay more drugs. I wonder if she'll ever get better. I guess only time will tell. Today was pretty much a normal day though. I had some cake and candy. I'm gonna get fat. Wow, I'm jumpy...my dad dropped something and I like jumped out of my skin. Hmm yeah I have nothing to say.
Music: Dream of Waking by AFI
Random thought: Why can't I think of anything interesting that happened?
Mood: Indifferent/Blank

Dream of Waking by AFI
I feel it washing over me,
the slow poisonous tide.
Pins and needles dance on me.
Sickness undefined.
Now I'm afraid to face the sky.
Please someone hear my haunted cries.
Please let them waken me. x4
With eyes sewn shut I still can see (I end up somewhere)
All that is surrounding me (Somewhere between)
Between a dream (I end up nowhere)
And motionless reality, will I forever lie?
I feel them binding so smoothly.
I see myself below.
I feel it gnawing, eating me.
Poisonous and slow.
My mind it speeds.
My voice has died.
God let me make the faintest cry.
Please let them waken me...
GO!
With eyes sewn shut...
Binded by my hands,
bind my legs,
bind my eyes,
bind my mouth,
bind everything.
Opened up and for the taking
Just one touch and I'll be yours.
Opened up wide for the breaking.
Just one touch and I'll be yours.
What's on the other side behind the mirror?
To try (I try) to break the static keeping me here in between.

Wow, I've been slacking. I'm almost as bad as Jade, haha. Which by the way, he has a new post. It's a video that I can't see! It made me happy than sad. Well umm I can't think of anything that happened on Friday so yeah skip that day. Umm Saturday, lets see, I get waken up at 8 in the morning by my dad going, "Hey you wanna go still?"
I flip over, "How long do I have?"
"5 minutes."
"I can't get ready in 5 minutes."
"10?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"Well I need to straighten my hair."
"Okay, I'll turn your straighter on and have a cigeratte."
I groan and get out of bed. I get dressed, do my hair, do my make-up and brush my hair. Now remember, I'm like walking around as a zombie. I was still asleep. So we drive all the way to some place in the middle of nowhere and get a riding lawnmower from his friend. He had a cool dog. Then we stopped at this small place for breakfast. He said it was my Valentines breakfast so I could get what I wanted. So I got a cinnamon roll and a small stack...I thought it would be small but no it was 2 huge pancakes and I ended up eating half of one. It was big. So yeah we ate then we went to his other friends to look at a fallen tree. Mon called while I was there and we talked for a long time. So eventually we left and headed home 'cos I had to get ready for Mike's party. So we got home and I redid my make-up and that was pretty much it because I mean it was only Mike. So Mon picks me up around 3 and we go to Mike's. It was a fun party surprisingly enough. Well I'll sum up the interesting parts. We got Kyle to strip tease us, then Ben. Ben was much better. I was straddling Mel and she took off my bra then threw it at Mike who preceded with putting it on and stuffing it. Uh a few people got flashed. Oh it's a small world, well like the whole party Elyssa was talking about this like awesome guy named Chis that she had met. After a couple hours it hit me and I was like,
"Hey, Elyssa I want to ask you something about that..."
"Yeah?"
"Does this Chris have blonde hair?"
"No, well brown with blonde tips."
"Close enough. Does he have a dog?"
"...what kind?"
"A huskey?"
"Yeah..."
I gasped. "I know him."
"Now that I think about it, yeaterday he had asked if I knew an Alicia."
"He just asked out of nowhere?"
"Yeah."
Later she had sent him a text about what he thought of her or something. He told her that he didn't feel anything for her. I mean he didn't say it in a mean way but she was like crushed and I tried to comfort her. Yeah it's a small world. Umm what else happened, oh! Yeah Bryan and I talked on the stairs. It was cool. He thinks I need to see someone. Oh and Kyle and Kimmie hooked up. That's all I can remember. So that night I spent the night at Mons. It was nice, we talked and such. The next day we hung out and drove her mom places. We had a very nice and refreshing conversation about religion and life and love and sex and such it was very nice. It was nice that we are still connecting. So that was Sunday. Look I'm caught up! Well almost...It's 11:30...ok so today...it started out bad. I was awoke at like 4:50 by someone getting in the shower...I was like 'what the hell?' I found out later that it was Kathie. So I kinda laid there hoping to go back to bed. When my alarm went off I turned on Aiden and got up to tell Kathie happy birthday. So I did my normal stuff and when I went to put on my necklace, the cage slid off and the pearl rolled down the air vent. I flipped. I got pissed, kicked my bed, yelled, hit the wall, the mirror and myself and when they came and asked what happened I yelled at them and such. I wrote all over myself to get emotions out and then I left for the bus. My anger started to fade and I was shaking. Then I got sad, I cried and then it was the normal blank feeling but I felt unstable. It was nice to feel something though. The anger actually felt really good. Well yeah that went away. The day was pretty normal. Josh wasn't at school, he was sick. So after 4th, I went out to were everyone was and Monica is like,
"Melissa has a story for you!"
I got excited, stories are usually fun. "Yay, what's the story?"
"Z-Man had stood there all lunch talking to people at our table."
"What!?!?! Why was I in class! Why hadn't I skipped!?!?"
That wasn't a nice story. So I went to 5th, that was normal and so was 6th. On the way home, I sat next to Bryan but we didn't talk much. Oh forgot to say that my dad call like right before first to say he got the pearl for me. So I got home didn't do much. I went online and talked to Josh...He was like,
"Guess who sent me a friend request last night"
"...who?"
"Z-Man!"
Oh it confuses me! It totally baffles me. I mean he deleted Josh, why would he send him a friend request? GAHAHA! This just seems so weird. It doesn't make sense. I don't like being baffled! Hmm I talked to Mons and she thought maybe it meant that he likes me and Josh said maybe it means he's gay and likes him. haha so yeah. Later I went to the store with my dad and ran into Mons. Small world. Yeah so we talked. We got cake! Yeah so we get home and like after awhile he has to take Kathie to the hospital for a blood transfusion. Yeah on her birthday, isn't she lucky. My dad and I was talking though and like I don't think they are gonna be together much longer. She's kinda bothering him and he can see she has problems. I just got a pop up saying click here if you want dirty rewards...yeah that's special. So yeah that's an update. I like cake! Oh and AFI had new pictures. Yeah I'm cool like that. Adrian asked me why I haven't had sex with Chris. It was funny. Sophia was next to me and she thought he meant her Chris, too many Chris'. Yeah can't think of anything else...I made a Blaqk Audio banner. http://s78.photobucket.com/albums/j107/DogFan48/Banners%20I%20made/?action=view&current=BlaqkAudiobanner.jpg Yeah it came out a little blurry but still not too bad.
Song: Fiften by Aiden
Random thought: hehe piercings
Mood: Blank but I think I'm tired

"I cant see home now. When I look at the path that I chose and I'll say to you, 'Live Fast Die Young.' We'll stay out on the run"

I don't know what is wrong with Kathie. I don't know if I did something or what. She is like freaking out. She made a pizza and is like running around. She took out the trash while slamming the door. She then came back and grabbed the first recycling container and hurried out of the house while slamming the door. When she was out the timer for her pizza went off so I turned it off and the door was open so I left it in there. When she rushed back in I told her that her pizza was done but she didn't answer and I saw she had ear plugs in. I don't know why, she's weird like that. Maybe I was typing to loud for her. Well she just rushed out of the house again with the second recycling container and slammed the door, she was making so much noise. I don't know why she even took out the recycling, I was suppose to do that tonight. Well when she came back she swung open the dishwasher door making it make this horrible loud sound. Then she rushed into the garage and slammed the door. She's still in there. Her pizza timer went off again, she must have set it again. I turned it off. She just opened the garage door and now she closed it. She didn't keep it open for long. Like I said, I don't know what is up with her. Well my dad just got home...looking grumpy. I told him what happened and he said that she can't take the typing. But I just started typing, I don't understand, oh well. He said they are leaving and said I should eat that pizza. He went to the garage and came back saying the pizza was for me and if I could put the dishes away. He said its 'cos she's on edge because she is in so much pain. It's nice she made me a pizza but I would like people to ask me if I'm even hungry first. So I'm not hungry and I have a pizza I have to eat. Plus she makes it different then I do and she left it in there too long so the crust is chewy and tough. It's kinda gross and I'm not hungry at all but I have to eat it. Honestly, I'm just waiting for them to leave so I can turn my music loud enough so it's actually audiable and so I can finally relax. So I don't have to feel like I'm walking on egg shells. I don't feel good...whatever, I'll deal with it, I always do. It will probably be more supressing but hey it hasn't killed me yet...just kinda made it hard for me to interact with people...oh well, I gave up on a getting a relationship so all I have to interact with is my friends and I doubt that will last much longer so I'll just have my family and they don't really talk to me anyways so I will just live under a rock and just leave to get food. I'll go out a live in like a forest and just die out there. So that's my life plan just avoid all contact with people so I don't cause more problems for people. So my day, it started out the same as usual. The bus was late, again. Got to school and Josh and I parted ways, he had to go to the office. I went down to the basement to put my math book away. While I was walking up to the 3rd floor, I passed Zach on the stairs...yeah he kind of glanced at me so he could move and we wouldn't run into each other. When we passed, he didn't even give me a second glance...that didn't make me feel all that swell to tell you the truth. When I got to the 3rd floor, we all talked. Monica was absent again. Last night I tried calling her but our phones weren't working. In chemistry, I sat next to Meggs instead of in my seat. Meggs and I chatted a bit and listened to the lecture. We have a test tomorrow...I'm gonna fail it...my first test of the semester and I'm gonna fail it. English was pretty boring, Meggs and I finished our work yesterday so she did her homework and I read. I litterally almost fell asleep in my book. After that I met Sophia and Melissa in the hall and Sophia looked at my ear. She said the earing was like digging into my ear so she took the earing out. Oh, my, god! That hurt so bad. She cleared a bit of the dried blood away then put the earing back in. It hurt for awhile but then it didn't hurt anymore, it was like it was all better now. So I went to class after that and guess what! SUB! Yup, Mr. Excitement wasn't there. We did this assignment and the class was so loud, it was great. We could actually talk to each other! After that I went to my locker and waited for Ben. We went and sat in the window we had yesterday and talked. We talked about random things and when Steve arrived we talked about Kung Fu porn and music and such. After lunch, Steve and I walked to class. Steve and I talked a bit, don't remember about what though. I remember Erica and Nicole were mentioned but don't remember the whole conversation. So I went to Health and we did group activities like if we got stuck on the moon and a who has...worksheet. After that, Luke and I talked a bit but not much. After that I met up with Josh, Mel and Meggs. Meggs and I walked to the 3rd floor and talked. I went to ASL and I actually had to do TA work! I had to go to the Medical career teacher to get some poster board. Raquel and Darin were in the class. Darin offered to help me carry the stuff but I was like, "I can do it." Yeah it was light until I went up 3 floors. So after that, Sophia and I were trying to choose a song while doing this site, www.peteranswers.com, I saw Marissa do it in Chemistry. The thing is crazy, I swear it was it knew everything. She was like, whose behind me? And it answered, Jimmy and Mr. Boyd was behind her...it was creppy. So I was trying it but it wasn't answering me. Marissa had said that it took some time. Well I tried at my house but like it doesn't load on my computer...so anyway were doing that when this girl came up and asked if she could be in our group, we said yes. She doesn't like our music but yeah. I think we have decided on A Lonely September by The Plain White Tee's but who knows, it might change, again. Yeah after that I went to math...that was pretty much the same as usual. Oh dang, it's Thursaday, I have to do my math homework. I think I'm gonna tell my dad that I want him to take the job in Alaska. I'll go up with him for awhile in the Summer and come back before school starts and live by myself. I really do want to go to Alaska though. It would be a clean slate and I could meet cool Alaskan people. Who knows, I might meet a guy, doubt it but a girl can dream.
Music: Funeral of Hearts by H.I.M. wait change Ohio is for Lovers by Hawthorne Heights...oh appropriate, depressing songs.
Random thought: I'm losing myself...
Mood: Absent

"The Funeral Of Hearts"
Love's the funeral of hearts
And an ode for cruelty
When angels cry blood
On flowers of evil in bloom
The funeral of hearts
And a plea for mercy
When love is a gun
Separating me from you
She was the sun
Shining upon
The tomb of your hopes and dreams so frail
He was the moon
Painting you
With it's glow so vulnerable and pale
Love's the funeral of hearts
And an ode for cruelty
When angels cry blood
On flowers of evil in bloom
The funeral of hearts
And a plea for mercy
When love is a gun
Separating me from you
She was the wind, carrying in
All the troubles and fears you've for years tried to forget
He was the fire, restless and wild
And you were like a moth to that flame
The heretic seal beyond divine
A prayer to a god who's deaf and blind
The last rites for souls on fire
Three little words and a question why
Love's the funeral of hearts
And an ode for cruelty
When angels cry blood
On flowers of evil in bloom
The funeral of hearts
And a plea for mercy
When love is a gun
Separating me from you

"Ohio Is For Lovers"
Hey there, I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.
Where you are and how you feel.
With these lights off as these wheels
keep rolling on and on. (and on and on and on...)
Slow things down or speed them up.
Not enough or way too much. (and on and on and on...)
How are you when I'm gone?
And I can't make it on my own. (And I can't make it on my own.)
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all she heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.[x2]
And I can't make it on my own.(And I can't make it on my own.)
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
(YOU...KILL...ME...WELL)
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
My final breath is gone
So I can fall asleep tonight
And I can't make it on my own.(And I can't make it on my own.)
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
(YOU...KILL...ME...WELL)
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.

Music related quotes 'cos I'm that cool! Warning: I advice that you don't eat or drink anything that could come out of your nose while reading Jade's quotes.

Random:
A painter paints his pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence. We provide the music, and you provide the silence~Leopold Stokowski


If I had a shotgun, you know what I’d do? I’d point that shit straight at the sky And shoot heaven on down for you~Sublime

"But what does death equal? Answer me that!" Chon Travis (Love Equals Death)

"Knife, knife, in my hand, who’s the spookiest one of all?" WiL Francis (Aiden)

M - Why does WiL spell his name with a capital L?
Jake D – We would like to know that too.Jake W – I would like to know that!Jake D – We don’t know lead singers will be lead singers!
Audioslave:
I'm not gonna tell people what they should and shouldn't take...unless they get too high and step on my toes - then I'll punch them in the face and they'll learn that way!~Chris Cornell

Words you say never seem to live up to the ones inside your head~Chris Cornell


We're all audioslaves ~ Tim Commerford

Q: If you were elected president of the US, what are the first five things you would do?
A:"1. Paint the White House black.
2. Change the National Anthem to "Who Let The Dogs Out".
3. Bring the Bush family up before a War Crimes Tribunal--except those daughters who like to party.
4. Make sure all the girls that wouldn't date me in high school know I'm President.
5. End hunger and stuff."- Tom Commerford

Q:Have you ever... Bragged to a chick that you went to Harvard to get into her pants?
A:"Does that really work? I used to always play the "hey, I'm a big Star Trek fan" card, when I should've been playing the "hey, I'm a bookworm geek" card to get laid. You people know everything."- Tom Commerfold

Q:How do you feel about being a sex symbol for gay men?
A:"I think it's wonderful. The only problem is, I've done my best to get in touch with my feminine side, and it turns out my feminine side is a dyke. So I'm stuck with women for the rest of my life!"- Chris Cornell

"Tall, dark, handsome, absolutely sexy, with a strange nervous twitch that could result in a possible stabbing."- How Chris Cornell would describe himself on a blind date

AFI:

Question: So were you guys ever in Boy Scouts or anything?
Adam: I was a Weeblow.
Jade: We all blow.
Davey: I blow!
Jade: Davey is quite a 'demon in the sack' so to speak

Interviewer: Isn't it weird to think your faces are on a lot of bedroom walls?Davey: We don't think of ourselves in those terms. It may be true but it's hard to think of ourselves in those terms.
Hunter: I have a poster of Adam on my bedroom wall
Davey: We all have posters of Adam.

Interviewer: What’s your spiritual background or religion?
Davey: I’m God.
Hunter: He follows him. I’m atheist.
Interviewer: Oh my god, you don’t believe Davey exists?
Hunter: No.
Davey: I always go up to him, and I’m like, "Fucking Hunter ... what’s up?"
Hunter: I have a picture of the one god that I do put all my faith in, right here. (He pulls out his wallet and shows a picture.) His name is Molo, and he’s the god of moles.
Interviewer: I’m just asking, because I see how all your stuff has 666 and stuff like that. I’m not saying you’re Satanic, I’m just wondering where that came from.
Hunter: My phone number. I didn’t want to give it all away...
Interviwer: So I’m not going to get enlightened, am I?
Davey: You can if you believe in me.
Interviewer: I do believe in God, and I didn’t know I was going to meet him tonight.
Davey: Just welcome me into your heart.
Jade: The Lord has mysterious hair.
Davey: The Lord has mysterious fashion sense

Jade: We don't encourage our fans to send us dead things.
Davey: or alive things

(Jade begins poking Hunter) Hunter: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Jade: I got tired of poking Adam, so now i'm poking you.
(Adam comes back with a headband on his head)
Hunter: Did you give him that hair band?
Fan: Yes
Hunter: Bad, bad fan!!

Hunter: Are you suggesting that none of our current or new songs are about cereal?
Davey: Hey man.. don't.. don't let that out.

Davey: This is the progress chart.
Hunter: What does it show?
Davey: Right now it shows some clouds and some barber poles.
Hunter: Okay.
Davey: Well it’s about to be showing that.
Hunter: Of course, of course… what’s going on here? What’s that? *points to Davey’s drawing*
Davey: You mean the purple or the corn?
Hunter: Is it—what—common—wait… what’s going on with the purple versus the corn there, what’s the purple doing to the corn?
Davey: The purple is coming out of the corn.
Hunter: Oh, okay (side note- cutest video ever!)

Hunter: My birthday is coming up. I'm a size 2! *wink wink*

Davey Havok: The same people who were calling us faggots and wanting to beat us up are now open to what we do and who we are, and other people who are involved in a similar kind of culture. So that’s kind of a win for the team.
Revolver: Is there vindication in that?
Davey Havok: I don’t need to be vindicated. It wasn’t like we were struggling to be accepted by them by any means. But it’s nice to know that that might mean the next kid they see wearing eyeliner and carrying a little lunchbox isn’t gonna get beat up. Of course, culture’s shifted so much, what guy doesn’t wear eyeliner?
Jade Puget: Now you’d probably get beat up for not wearing eyeliner. [Laughs]
Davey Havok:
"This barricade is a piece of shit. I could build better. Yeah, yeah, believe it or not, the kid with the lipstick knows how to build stuff."

"I'm Davey and I sing, make faces and swing from trees."

(On Loveline, the radio show) Guys, it's like a little black box like this....wait, you stuck a box up his butt? A BOX?! couldn't you like find a carrot or something?? (side note- my 2 fav. things in one quote!)

"I'm Pencil Girl!"

"I didn't want to share my balloons...my mom wanted me to."

"I can type like the wind, and believe me, the wind types really fast!"

You're denying your heritage! You should eat cheese!~ Davey Havok Mom

Fan: Davey, how do you respond to the rumours circulating that you are a homosexual? Is there any truth to these?
Davey: How should I respond? Ecstatically? Fantastically?

"Man, I don't know a damn thing about sports, I wear make-up and nail polish, remember?"

"Yes I'm a lot prettier than you and you're a girl...I noticed. Pfft, do you believe this? This girl is mad at me cause I'm prettier than her and she's a girl. Don't worry honey, nobody noticed."

"I look like an inflatable fuckdoll."

"Please excuse me if it seems I'm throwing a little tantrum, but I can't get a microphone that fucking works."

"Can I have a bite of your hamburger? Just don't tell the vegans....."

"My ideal girl should be smart, drug-free, and hot. People say it's not important, but it is.... she can't hate me either."

RP-Davey is the new Jesus!!
Davey: Umm, I think it's the hair. Is it the hair?

Q- Do you practice putting makeup on anyone in the band?
Davey: No. But I practice other things.

"At the time we were really into skating and skating and punk rock and hardcore go hand in hand so...THERE'S A HORSE, there's a horse and a little dog and a woman in a hat!"

"Who are all you people and what have you done with the empty space that's usually here to see us?"

"We were all Gothic before we were born. Especially Hunter."

"Do what you feel is right for you, no matter what. Believe in yourself, no matter how many people tell you that you're fucked up, do what you have to do. AS LONG as it doesn't infringe on other people's happiness."

Fan in the Crowd: I LOVE YOU DAVEY!
Davey: [stops singing in the middle of the song and smiles] Someone wants to fuck me.

"Anyone who steals a shoe is a poser."

Davey: What are those things called?
Jade: ...Firecrackers?
Davey: No, the things that shoot the lightning.
Jade: ...Clouds?
Davey: Yeah! Clouds.

"As you get older you will gain a bit more control over everything. Don't let anyone, even your parents, break you. Find good people who care about you and surround yourself with just them. If you can't find them at first, find good music and fall into it, let it hold you until they come."

"Can you turn into a kitty cat?"

Interviewer: If she actually felt your balls than you must have pretty big balls.
Davey: you assume it's a she.

"No animals were harmed in the flattening of my hair."

"The reason why we started doing this is because we loved it," Havok says a bit later. "At the onset of the band, there was no real hope of burning bright at all. The goal was just to keep burning no matter how bright- to play music for the rest of our lives, at any cost."
Jade Puget:
"I love your duck with all it's ducky goodness."

"Yes, I'm a vegetarian, but not because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

"AFireInside, to me, means these three other guys who drink all the soy milk backstage before I get a damn drop of it."

"Can't the lemons and pancakes just get along?"

INTERVIEWER: If you were stranded on a desert island, what one album would you want with you?
Jade: I'd build a lifeboat out of sand.
Davey: [looking confused] What?!

Davey doesn't watch the damn road when he's driving. I'm sure if we crashed he would be fine and I would be imbedded in a tree. If he ever kills me with his driving though, I'm gonna come back as a squirrel and run up his pant leg.

"Hackey bag foot sack always confused me, I could never figure out what the score was or who was winning so I'd always get mad and end up kicking it into the lake."

Person: hey jade. still rolling tight like a perm?"
Jade:When I'm not holding shit down tight like a hairnet!!

"If I asked you to sleep with me, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?"

"One day, when I was young, my Dad brought home a guitar. I was quite intrigued and went to pick it up but he said, "Son, unless you can wail on that thing like Nuno Bettencourt from Extreme or maybe Steve Vai when he was playing with David Lee Roth and he had the sweet double-necked guitar that was like two legs coming out of a heart, keep your damn hands off it!" And I never touched a guitar again. So to answer your question, yes, I answer the phone whether it rings or not. "

Croissant: What's your favourite food?
Jade: It used to be chicken and granola bars once upon a time but, now that I'm vegetarian, it's just chicken.

Croissant: Credit for this question goes to Outsider the Marshmallow. If you had to have one word tattooed across your forehead to tell people about you, what would it be?
Jade: I saw this white trasher once who had "Maniac" tattoed across his throat and when I was in high school there was this gang from Tijuana that had these enormous skulls tattoed on their foreheads and they were like 15 and 16 years old. So I'd have to say my favorite vegetable is broccoli.

"Je suis un pamplemousse, me donner tout vous croissants!" [Translation: I am a grapefruit, give me all your croissants!]

Steven: My fingernails look like ass
Jade: Your ass looks like fingernails

"Darn it... shoot... I mean shit."

"Well, I was named after Mick Jagger's daughter, Jade Jagger. How emasculating is it to be named after a girl! But I think I handled it well, it's not like I ended up wearing makeup and girl's pants."

(When shown a picture of AFI from 1996)"They look like dorks."

"So things are going just swell; we eat bagels, we play songs, we take our shirts off and wrestle."

Interviewer: I was wondering if you and Davey ever fought over a mirror backstage or something, and if so who won? And who has used the most makeup on one single night?
Jade: Actually, yes, that happens all the time. Finally, I was like, "That's it! It's time to settle this make-up contest once and for all, I challenge you to a make-out!" Wrong choice of words.

"Yes, I have an iron cross on my arm. Yes, I got it when I was 17. Yes, I would change it to Taz in front of a weed leaf if I could. No, I'm not a Nazi."

"So, what's the speed of dark anyway?"

[When asked who can bench the most in AFI] "Probably me. I can bench 5 corn dogs."

"I'm so rock hard. You should call me Block Rockchest. Or Chip RockBlock. Or something."

"I'll write a song, and then we'll sit around in our boxers in my room throwing around melody ideas, and then he'll take it and put words to it "

[Question: Hey Jade. There is this football jock in my school who tries acting like all that. He called me a faggot today, cuz I wore an AFI shirt. Should I jump him after school or just hit him with a bat, or do you recommend something else? You seem like the type of guy who got in his share of fights.]
Jade: You should grab his butt. Ask him if he wants to make out with you or fight you and then do the opposite of what he says.

"Of course I'll be your friend. I'm also the cool girl version of me. Maybe if you changed your username you might attract more friends, and less flies." [username was Deadfishsandwich]

"I'll eat the hell out of a bagel, that's my job!"

"We will hella make it down to San Diego. Hella."

"I can see the problem right away, DON'T SUCK. Cease the sucking immediately. If you decide not to suck you'll be totally shredding all these major solos and all the chicks will be checking you out and all the guys will be hella jealous of your whammy bar."

"Most of what you heard about us isn't true, the rest is. Except we don't pee in the sink. And for those of you wondering, yes, I continue to roll tight like a perm..."

"Fine, if you want Davey to sneak you in, it'll probably be in some little make-up case or something, which is not nearly as comfortable. Did I mention the drum case comes with all-you-can-eat corn dogs?"

"I totally agree with you, except for the part about the thing."

"I use liquid eyeliner and have become quite proficient in it's application, however, I don't have much difficulty switching eyes because they're only a few inches apart. Do you have an enormous head? It's quite possible. This would explain why you have to "reach over" to your left side. My friend has a big head, you can see it from space."

"Thanks, blueberry donuts from Tim Hortons are also going strong, please eat some soup for me."

"I remember that Manchester show. I was skating around backstage and I bailed on this candy bar someone had thrown on the ground. It wasn't even a decent candy bar like a Snickers or a Twix, it was one of those weird English candy bars, like the Big Turk."

"In 7th grade I ordered this shampoo out of a comic book and put in my sister's underwear drawer."

"I'm not really feeling Tropsnal, it sounds like an ointment for jock itch. Your band should be called either Ripping Hammer or Starving Zombee."

"I don't think they allow poor people to visit America."

"Spiffy is a free-loading deadbeat kitty who sits around on my couch, watches TV all day, and eats all the Triscuits."

"Isn't there any nice boys in Houston? Besides, seeing as how you don't know me, there might be things about me that you don't like, like my habit of peeing in the sink."

"If you've got something to say about Hanson, say it to my face!"

"My favorite Final Fantasy is where I know all the answers and I totally get an A."

"Well, the Lizzle Pizzle Stizzle definitely has a shizzle mizzle but you can't forget about the Stizzle's bizzy hizzy."

"Next time I come to Phoenix we are so going clubbing Chanelle No. 5. I'll wear my pink sleeveless see-through nipple shirt with the pegasus and rainbow on it."

"Wait, wrestling or wrasslin'?"

"Actually we promised you dirt and hippy leafcakes..."

"Hunter's wireless is hilarious and would you be complaining if thousands of girls liked you? Besides, they're just using him to get to me."

"I have a poorly done tribal armband that i got when i was 16, i love showing it to people because it totally sucks"

kim and fernando: "hey jade no don't leave yet"
Jade: "well Iv'e been standing here all this time waiting for you guys and you never came...(smiles)"

"I’m doing a lot more air guitar on this record."

"He’s answered a bunch of questions. He just gets the most. Look at all the Davey questions. It’s a daunting task keeping up with it. Either that or he’s still trying to get online with his Playstation."

"How's my, how's my bulge look? A little flat huh, oh well. Sorry. I do what I can."

Question: Okies, free association. You know the drill, I give you aword, and you give me the first thing that comes to mind.
Jade’s answer:
AFI-Sno-cone
Sno-cone-Dammit!
pink-I can go for hours, if you know what I mean
Davey-Hammock
Adam-Pirate
Hunter-Gatherer
Pirate-Adam
Ninja-Totally sweet!
God-Bless
JadeXCore-Amen

"Oh yeah, and using different guitars for different feels in a song is definitely cool. Fender guitars lend themselves well to clean tone parts, they have a nice sparkly yet warm tone that'll make you want to pee in the sink."

Q:You dont play any instrument, right?
Davey: "Yeah,thats right.
Jade: "He tries to pick up my guitar sometimes (laughter), but I have to snatch it out of his hands before he causes any damage. (laughter) He plays a couple of atonal parts that quickly get left in the fuckin garbage can."

See, this is why I'm so slow at updating, I have to remove bunnies from my butt.(written on his blog)

What's everyone dressing as tonight? I'm going as slutty Abraham Lincoln.(written on his blog)