What the fuck is wrong with me!?! It's pissing me off. Why can't I just be happy? Really I thought I was doing better. I was feeling better, almost happy and then it comes again. It's no longer sadness, its just nothing. I don't want to do anything! Fuck! I'm telling myself I'm mad and I don't feel it! Like I have the damn thoughts but no feeling! What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I have to find problems? Why do I endlessly claim I have problems! Fucking...gahhhha. Monica was over and we were having fun and I was hungry and within minutes, my mood dropped and I wasn't hungry. I don't want to fucking eat! What is wrong with me? I haven't had anything all day and actually barely anything for a long time. I can't remember when I ate normally and yet I can't get rid of weight! God damn. I feel nothing! All just thoughts. Do you understand?! I'm sure you think that I must have feelings if I say this but really just empty thoughts. I feel nothing. It's not numb like before, it's not empty, it's just blank. I was looking at boys on VampireFreaks which I normally enjoy and I was in the middle of looking at a pretty boy when I couldn't even stand myself and what I was doing and clicked out and then hit my head on the glass desk and logged off the internet. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to be online. I don't want to eat. I don't want to listen to music. I don't want to watch tv. I don't want to do anything. I don't even feel the need to cry. I feel nothing! What the hell is this? I thought I had depression but I'm not sad! I'm not suicidal, I'm not anything. The books say that depression can cause other mental problems, maybe I have one. God damn and there I go agian giving me things that might related so I can have god damn pity. I hate myself, actually no I don't that's another pity thing. I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Leave me alone.