Oh god, help me please. I can’t take this feeling. I’m crying. It won’t go away. Please, I beg you, please help me. Nothing I seem to rid me of it. Even doing things I normally do won’t rid me of this. Please. I can’t explain this. It’s like I’m not me. I have felt weird all day and it wasn’t until now that I didn’t feel myself and it was like this weight was placed on me and my soul is like freaking out. I feel better now. Oh my god, just thinking about what just happened, scares me. It kind of felt what I would think an anxiety attack would feel like. Just thinking of that feeling, that deep feeling in my very soul, brings tears to my eyes. You don’t understand how frightening that feeling was. I’m shivering. This scares me you guys. I don’t what to do. What should I do? Tell me. Please? I don’t know what to do. I feel so helpless. I don’t want to be this me anymore. I want to go back. I saw a video of me and the sadness in my face…is that how I look everyday? I didn’t feel sad. Why is it that it hides itself from me but shows so plainly on the outside? I don’t like this me. Is this really me? And if not, which parts are real? Am I real at all? Why can’t my feelings work normally like everyone else’s? I don’t like the hollow smiles I show. I thought they were real. How can people stand to look at me? I still don’t feel like myself. I’m starting to get that floating above body feeling again. I hated that horrible feeling. I want someone to hold me and tell me it will be alright. Give me some hope. I’m so very cold and slightly hollow feeling. Why did I get this way? Why? Why me? Other people have had problems but didn’t get this so why me? I can’t stand the thought of listening to music right now and I can’t bare the thought of wearing black tomorrow. It’s like my being is rebelling against everything that is me or what I think is me.

After that I had curled into a ball, holding my knees in an attempt to warm my freezing body and calm my ravenous mind and to stop the tears. And then I fell asleep. The sleep was nice and peaceful and when I awoke I felt slightly better. I was still trying to stay in a sleep state, when my dad came in. I turned toward him and that was when I realized I was slightly shaking. He asked me what was wrong and I told him nothing and thanked him for the food. I feel much better but I can still slightly feel that feeling deep in me and it scares me. I don’t know what to do.