Written last night...
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I am, really, a good popcorn popper. Yes this is coming from the chick who cries with movies like The Lion King, The Notebook, Rent, Mighty Joe Young, Where the Red Fern Grows, Hope Floats and recently Flag of our Fathers. Yes a war movie…
"I’m sorry I wasn’t the best father."
"No, you were the best father a boy could have."
And then the dad dies. Now who wouldn’t have cried at that? And yes this is the same movie where people got blow to pieces and we saw heads roll out of helmets.
"Father. Come on, we have to go home." Poke paw. "Come on dad."
Now how could that not make you cry! Simba’s voice, come on! But I can proudly say I can watch the movie without crying now. That and Rent. Pretty much, if someone dies in a movie, I will cry. Bridge to Terabithia? Yup, cried like a little schoolgirl. Where the Red Fern Grows, the book is my favorite book and I’ve seen the movie before so I was watching the movie with my dad. The by walks out of the house with his dogs and I start bawling. Like I mean bawling, I couldn’t see and thing and I was like hyperventilating. My dad glances over at me and gives me a look like, "What? He just walked out of the house." and so I turn to him and say between sobs.
"I," sob, "Know," sob, "What’s" sob, "Gonna," sob, "Happen." double sob.
He shook his head and was like, "I don’t know if I want to continue watching this."
And so I cried for the rest of the movie. I had to stop it a couple times to get more tissues. So moral of this story, if you want to watch a movie with me you will probably have to deal with my crying but I make some killer popcorn.
Now what brought this little story time? Well I think it’s the fact that I am eating my popcorn. Yes, I said my. I earned this popcorn. I had to see Kathleen and sit through her "church’s" service. Church, bah. I might not have a religion but I still have my dislike for that congregation. Strange people. But I mean when I was religious, that wasn’t what we called a church, that would be a center for fun and they just happen to mention God a few times. I mean don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with the people there well except Kathleen but that’s a story not at all related to the church she goes to. I’m sure all those people are good, kind people, I just have something against some of the practices of the church. Maybe it is just that it has been pounded into my head like all the other stuff. No sex before marriage, all those sins, this body is a temple that we are on loaned with, John 3:16…For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. I can still recite some of those scriptures. I swear it was pounded into my head. That is one of the reasons, I gave it u. How was to know it was what I truly believed and not what my family wanted me to be. My family so desperately wants me to be the good little Christian girl. Maybe that is me, maybe it isn’t but right now in my life I’m not too sure that is what I am. But then again, as they say, I been backsliding. Maybe this is true. Maybe I just want to rebel and sin away. Maybe I want sex before marriage. Maybe I want to curse. Maybe I want to show my body off. Maybe I want to "ruin" it and get a tattoo. That’s another thing that gets me, Christians with tattoos. I was always taught that your body wasn’t yours but God’s and thus something we are loaning and like renting a house, you can’t just do what you want with it meaning no permanent damage like tattoos. So when I hear about Christians getting like crosses, bible verses or Jesus on their sin, I kinda have to laugh and shake my head and think, they don’t know the bible. But people can do what they want. I can’t help it, that’s what was pounded into my head, still is. I was watching tattoo stories on Fuse. I love that show. And well my dad comes in and was criticizing this chick and was like saying, "What is she going to say when she dies and everyone sees those skulls-"
"And flowers," I add.
"What is she going to say? Opps?" and stuff like that and walks away.
And that is why I don’t like watching the show when he’s around. I like tattoos and think I’m gonna get one but there is no way he will know about it. Oh man, I can just see his face…oh man I would get a huge bible lecture and a "Do you still believe in God?" Man do I hate that question. There is no way I could tell my dad no. He would be crushed and oh man will I get a lecture. And if I got a tat! Wow, he might disown me. That’s why I can’t tell him that I’m thinking of becoming vegetarian. God put animals here for us to rule over meaning they are there to eat. I’m all for surviving and all but we don’t need meat. Our bodies are actually more designed to be herbivores with our mostly flat teeth and long intestines. Most vegetarians are healthier than meat eaters are. Like lower risks of heart disease. Plus those poor animals. They are raised just to be killed, have to live in their own filth, are fed unnatural items, and are killed in horrible ways. Wow, I just went from a religious discussion to my views on vegetarianism. That’s an odd leap.
Ah! My sinuses! My nose feels like a desert. It’s all warm and dry. I feel sorta fine though, oddly enough. At school, I felt awful. Like I felt like a bucket of infectious germs. I went to Monica and I like breathed in hard and it made this congested sound then I was like, "My eyes are all watery." and they looked like I was gonna cry. My eyes are probably puffy and red. My nose is probably red too. I doubt I look pretty right now though Steve said, "Alicia, you look pretty as usual." When he greeted me. Dang and I’ve been sneezing like a banshee. I really like that word, banshee. I say that phrase a lot. That and "That’s crap." I say that a lot too. I said, "That’s kinda faggish." Today, that was a new one. They were nice pants but she was wearing them weird. She had them rolled up to the top of her boots. They were cool boots though. "He’s not into you, he’s into the idea of." That’s a cool line. Red Flags and Long Nights by She Wants Revenge. I can’t wait until this summer when Blaqk Audio comes out so I have a dance album! Ah! I can’t wait! It will be so cool! Bootie shakin’! Haha…I’ll never say that again, don’t worry. Oh my god! Today I was just walking down one hall. One! That’s only like 50 feet! Yeah well I was walking down this hall and I saw 7 couples. I walked up to Sophia and I was like, "Is it like dating season?" It’s like mating season or something. But I was thinking about it and it makes sense. I mean it’s half way through the school year and so people have gotten to know each other so there would be more couples, it makes sense. Plus spring is gonna be starting and thus mating season, haha. I have a smiley face and some flowers on my hand and a 337…Sophia was drawing on my hands and I was like, "Oh! Do you know how long it took me to get 337 off my hand?!" I had just recently got the large 337 that I had written on my hand for 337 off. So she decided to draw another 337…and it’s in permanent marker…Oh I found out something about Sophia today. I had no idea…I kinda felt bad. I hope she didn’t mind telling me. But she didn’t seem like she did. I mean she could have lied and not have told me. I don’t know who knows. Hmm. She pulled up her sleeves so I could draw on her palm and I saw marks on her wrists and arms and so naturally I though of her dog.
"Kera?" I asked.
She didn’t answer right away. I thought maybe she hadn’t heard me but then she answered. "No."
I looked up at her in confusion and then she explained.
"I use to be emo."
I kinda nodded. "It’s alright. I could show you the marks on my back."
"Your back?"
"Yeah, no one looks there…they are small though. I used my nails."
I had a deep pit of pain for her. I hated that she had so much pain. Hmm happier topics. I want a Popsicle. Something fruity or chocolatey. Oh a fudgesicle sounds good. I’m gonna sneeze again and I did. I kinda sneezed on my arm…gross. I have a U.S, History test tomorrow but I don’t know if I’ll feel well enough to go. It’s on WWI and it’s worth 2 grades so if you get an A, it goes in as an A and another A. He grades in the weirdest ways…Ah this is a good song, Yesterday to Tomorrow by Audioslave. Chris Cornell really does have a good voice but then again Rolling Stone placed him like number 7 on the top 100 best singers/voices. If you really want to hear a song where his voice sounds amazing, listen to Be Yourself. That is the song that made me fall in love with Audioslave and made them by favorite band for those couple years before AFI. Ah this song brings back memories. I remember putting my headphones on and listening closely to his voice and melting at it. I was in a loving trance much like what Davey can do to me. Someone tries to hides himself, down inside himself he prays. Beautiful. I really need to listen to Audioslave more often. I kinda abandoned them when I found AFI. I think I’m gonna learn this song on my guitar…hmm it would be my first song. It might be a little too hard for me and there is probably too much distortion for an acoustic. They are proud in doing all their music with only guitar, bass, drums and vocals but man do they use a lot of distortion. What You Are has this really cool guitar solo riff thingy. Actually this song has a cool guitar solo too. Most of their songs have cool solos. Ah I remember secretly listening to them and like The End and Funky Monkey and feeling awful because it was rock music and my church said that rock music was bad and blah blah but I missed it so much. I had given it up when I was first "saved" but after hearing Lithium by Nirvana over and over on this commercial, I couldn’t keep myself from it anymore. I just had to hide the fact that I listened to it and deal with feeling guilty. Ah and then AFI starts playing. I would have laughed if it had been Girl’s Not Grey. I’d send God’s grace tonight, could it be found? Wow wouldn’t have been a coincidence? Actually when Leaving Song Part 2 is over, I’m gonna listen to that one. Ah dancing bunnies and wonderland through Jade’s crotch. This art does drown. I have found that when I dance, sometimes I do Jade’s little guitar dancing. When he does the little kick spin moves. He does it a lot when he plays Miss Murder. Wow this is a long post. This is what I do while I wait for my dad to get home so I can get online. I have no life. It’s quite pathetic. I have done nothing with my life. I could die tomorrow and I wouldn’t be satisfied with how I lived. I am though more satisfied with how I dress/make-up now, don’t particularly know why though. I do enjoy it. Ah I love this song! And I love this musical! Actually, I’m gonna go watch it now. Ciao!