Well I'm glad some of my friends still stick up for me. It's kind of sad when of your friends have to stick up for you against some of your other friends. To me I think that is kind of screwed up. But what do I know, right? Josh was talking to me on the bus today and he was telling me how Bryan had said something about me looking bad and emo-like and Josh, Melissa and Megan stood up for me. Josh was like, "I don't see why. You're wearing the same thing you wear everyday. The same coat, jeans and the same make-up. The only thing different is that you now wear gloves." I sighed and was like, "I haven't bought new clothes since like 8th grade. Maybe a shirt and this coat but that's it." Then I told him about this thing with Monica. We were in health and she comes over and sits in front of me.
"What are you wearing?" she askes in like a disgusted voice.
"Gloves." I said it like it was obvious, which it was.
"Where did you get them?" again in a disgusted voice.
"The store." I said stoping on the r and making it long and again in a 'duh' voice.
"Do you like them?"
"Yeah, I wouldn't have got them if I didn't."
She made this weird expression that I can't even describe and all I could think was, "Gah whatever." And we talked a little bit but it was kinda dull from above conversation. She soon left and then later she came back and we got in a conversation about nails and she had this tape on her nails and she was like, "Would you still be friends with me if my nails were like this?"
"Yes, I wouldn't stop being friends with just because of your nails."
"I wouldn't have been friends with you if you had normal nails."
"What if I cut my nails off like really short?"
"It wouldn't matter. I don't like how you look now."
Again all I thought was, "Gah whatever." I'm sorta tired of this. When I was talking to Josh I menationed Makenzie and he asked who she was and I was like, "It was Monica's old best friend."
"Was she Indian?"
"She was blonde. Monica always needs a blonde best friend. She's going to replace me soon."
And I wasn't really joking about that, I think she probably is gonna replace me soon. The only reason she hasn't is because she has no one to replace me with. But she will find that new blonde and then dump me. I guess it doesn't matter much anyway. I mean we only have a year of school left and then its off our different ways. I hate to think of it that way, I really do. I know this all probably really hurts me inside but my body is protecting me so I don't feel it.
Today in the gym I got a tinge of feeling for Steve. It was weird. I was thinking about it and in a weird deep thinking trance and Charlie goes, "Alicia you look really sad."
"Huh? Oh I was just thinking." and then the feeling went away.
The day before it was actually fun sitting in a circle talking to Steve and Charlie. Out of nowhere they started talking about how pretty I was and like Steve said something about how I didn't know it so it made me more pretty. Later Orin asked me out and before he even finished asking I shook my head and was like, "I'm sorry." That is like the 5th time he's asked. That kid is weird. Reminds me kind of like Darin. Steve said my poems made him sad but he liked them. Ah! Gah I feel like tearing myself apart. My mind is in turmoil! Kathy is freaking out again...