So this was my Monday night and Tuesday.

Okay, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first? Wait first I have to say, eww there is pig’s feet in my fridge. Why in this earth do we need pig’s feet? It is a waste of our money and it’s just going to go to waste in our fridge…unless Kathie eats them…and again I just have to say, eww. Okay so back to the news. Well normally you want to hear the bad news first then the good news plus I usually like to go in chronicle order. So bad news first. Okay so our story starts while Monica and I were hanging out and NO MONICA AND I DIDN’T HAVE A FIGHT! Gah if I get asked that one more time, I’m going to rip their throat out. So Monica and I were hanging out and we were going to these places and for around two hours we were hanging out with Adrian, which I only mention because I was skateboarding and I fell and was bleeding. I’m so hardcore like that. Okay so yeah after that we went to Ben’s to help plant trees which I found out I’m allergic to pine. My arm has little red dots all over it. So we watched more than we did actually helping but whatever. So later we left and Monica was driving me home and I found a hole near the crotch of my jeans. I don’t know what happened but I sort of flipped. When I got home, I walked to straight to the bathroom to wash my face and while I was leaving my dad walks up to me and goes, "What no hi?" I simply say sorry and walk to my room and shutting the door. I fell down on my bed and then crawled into a ball. My dad came into my room and was mad and asked me if Monica and I got in a fight. He was just pissing me off and making it worse. You don’t get angry at a depressed person, it makes them feel worse. So he leaves and I let old habits take over me. Pain was all that clouding my mind, I need pain. My body was numb and I only knew I was crying because it was falling down my shirt. I started with lightly hitting my head on the wall and by lightly I mean hard enough you could only hear it maybe two rooms over. My dad comes in and asks if that was me banging around and then leaves. My mind was screaming at me. I began clawing at my face. I wanted it to go away, I wanted the screaming to stop. I couldn’t handle it. I wanted to feel, anything. I wanted to hurt myself, I wanted pain, I wanted my skin torn, I wanted blood, I wanted scars. I let my ands drop and I started to bang my head and shoulder against the wall again but harder where it could be heard throughout the hall. My mind was screaming and crying for his attention. It’s all blurry now. The details are fuzzy. After awhile my dad came in, very mad and when he found out that I was banging my head against the wall, he got more mad. I told him to just go finish watching his show and I will find something else to hit my head against something else to not bother him. And then the threat happened. He told me that if I hurt myself again he would send me away. If he only knew the other stuff I’ve done to myself… After he left I hit my head a couple more time with big spaces in the timing then I just clawed at my face for some more time. Eventually I fell back down to lay on my side in a ball on my bed. Then exhaustion eventually hit and I fell asleep. I awoke a couple hours later so I could do my half of the homework I split with Monica. If it weren’t for my promise to her, I wouldn’t have done my homework. I got up and went to the bathroom. My stomach growled because I hadn’t had a real meal in day but I wouldn’t eat in a twisted way of hurting my dad. When I looked in the mirror, I noticed that I had hurt my eye. It was bright red and the lids were puffy. I touched it lightly then turned away and back to my room. Seeing myself like that tears me up inside. I hate that dark side of myself but I also love it, cling to it. Man even writing this puts tears in my eyes. So I headed back to my room and did my homework. I stayed up for awhile afterwards in a blank trance before "sleeping" again. I woke up a wreck. My head was sore and bruised. My shoulder was also bruised. My whole right side was pretty much bruised. And I had a major headache. My eye was still a little puffy, I had bags under my eyes and my eye was slightly pink. I felt horrible. My mood got better through the day and I didn’t mention to anyone what had happened the night before except to Sophia. At lunch, Krissy gave me a Tarot card reading. This is the good news by the way. So I had her do the New Lover reading. According to the cards, I will be getting a new lover soon, they will be an earth sign (Virgo, Capricorn or Taurus), and we aren’t compatible but we could make it work if we don’t let old people like parents and other adults, get in the way, and if we learn from our pasts. It made me happy. It also said we could have a really long relationship. I’m excited for this. And I’ve been sort of looking for this earth guy and Monica is too. I hope I find him soon. Soon is kind of vague. Soon could be tomorrow or it could be in two years. So far the only earth signs I know are Monica, Ben, Bryan, Steve, and this guy I’ve been talking to on Vampire Freaks. Or at least those are the only ones I know are earth signs. Megan is a Cancer, Melissa is a Leo, same with Josh, Mike is an Aquarius and so is Erica. But there is a chance that I haven’t been him yet. Sigh, patience is a virtue…