I know it’s Sunday but this was written on Monday the 7th:

I have been thinking all day on a thing that I like about myself that isn’t physical and I have finally really got something. I like how I am when I am happy and hyper like how I am with Sophia after 5th. Like when I do or say something crazy and she laughs and calls me a dork. I like when that happens. I like that feeling. I like that about myself. Sophia brings this out in me. I can be fan girlish, boy crazy around her. I feel comfortable being like that around her. In the whole group, I don’t feel completely comfortable being like that. When I’m happy and jump up and down and around people, I like this part of my personality. Overall I guess I like my personality when I am happy. Also today I have been thinking and I guess I don’t really hate my personality or myself. When I’m sad and in a low I can pick out the things about myself I hate but I can’t remember what those things are but then again, it might just be the sadness clouding my mind. Honestly over the last two weeks I have felt the best I have in years. Besides yesterday, I hadn’t had any really deep lows and I had days when I actually had moments of feeling happy. I have been trying to be better. I have. Over these couple weeks. But I am not going to lie, the sadness is comforting, as sick and twisted as that is. I try to ignore it’s hands and it’s comforting cry but it’s hard. I will turn my back to it and it will come and whisper in my ear, "I know how you’re feeling. Let me help you. Come on, you don’t have to feel awkward. Let me comfort you." It’s hard not to give in. It knows the pain in my heart and it’s hard to not run to it’s comforting arms anymore. I guess I’m addicted to it. But I don’t want to be like that anymore. I am trying to dance and sing again and just let go and I’m trying not to let the fact that I can’t have instant results get to me. I’m trying to remind myself that it won’t just happen over night, the sixteenth chapel wasn’t built in a day.