May I just say, this site is a pain in the ass to log into. I swear it hates me. I have the hardest time loging in. So I'm tired so just a warning, this post might be umm how to say it...weird and probably will stray off topic a lot. So last night I found out, Kathie is finally going to get her surgery. It's about damn time. Our heathcare sucks ass. Well anyways, Mons didn't come over. Kinda wanted to sit alone anyway but I always do...I'm trying to fix that, believe me I'm trying. Anyways, Kathie screwed up the taxes her and my dad were doing online last night. She clicked send when my dad said not to so we aren't going to get the right about of money back or something. I was in the other room watching Fuse so all I heard was what was yelled. My dad is stressed now. What is pissing me off though is how Kathie uses me in arguments. She kept saying "Stop yelling. Alicia has been through enough trauma." And other things along those lines. I was getting so mad, I was about to go in there and say, "Alicia doesn't like to be used as a tool in an argument!" Since I'm on the topic of what is bothering me, Kathie is so childish. I know it's not her fault. It's the trauma she got as a child but still it's making me mad. Well more like aggravating me. Plus she doesn't listen. Oh whatever, so anyways after The Deresin Files or however the show is spelled, I went to my room, put my headphones on and blasted some AFI. It blocks out the yelling. So today, it was funny in the morning Mike introduces us to his new girlfriend. When he got to me he was like,
"This is Alicia, you can do anything to her and she won't stop you." He turns to me and says, "She likes AFI."
I turn to Erica and go, "I love you!"
Everyone laughs and Mike goes, "She breaths AFI."
Josh adds, "She masterbates AFI."
Then I got excited and go, "OOO!" I unzip my coat to show my shirt. "See, AFI!"
Yeah that was interesting. Um Chemistry was just review for Final. English was just about Mark Twain. US History was just a test. Dance we worked on our final that's due tomorrow and well we haven't even got all the moves and we need it memorize by tomorrow. Yeah that's what BSing is for. Um at lunch oh I spent the whole time talking to Steve. When he came up he barly said hi and he didn't hug us like normal and he sat on the ground near the window seat we were on. I knew something was wrong so I sat next to him on the floor.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I know something is wrong, tell me."
He finally gave in and told me. He is my only friend who is older than me. He's 18. He told me how people no longer care now that he's 18. Like people are like "You have problems? Who cares, so do I." and like people see him as like a sex offender. And we talked about the genderization this society has. I hoped I cheered him up. I did notice once though, he moved closer to me, which wasn't much because we were already pretty close. He also laid his head on my shoulder, lol. At the end of the day I was going to make sure he was alright so when I was walking up to the 3rd floor to go to Environmental Club, I was looking for him to see if he was okay. I was mumbling more to myself when I said, "Where's Steve?" but Mike answered.
"Right there, he just passed."
I was like "Dang it!"
"Why?"
"I have to make sure he's okay."
"He didn't seem sad."
I sighed and said, "Okay."
So yeah then I went to Environmental Club but left right away with Mons and Meggs so we could practice our dance. Everyone has it but me. I'm the problem, I keep screwing up. It sucks. Oh well, it's dance you can't really fail it. Oh! My mom called today. Yeah that's rare. We just talked and she said she wanted to see me this weekend, not likely but whatever. She said she was gonna buy me an MP3 player, again not likely but whatever. I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up because its not going to happen, she's going to let you down but yet I always end up getting hurt. I guess I never learn. She was happy I was straight edge though. We were talking and I was like,
"Yeah on Sunday I puked like 5 times. I had spent the weekend at meggs and mels"
She sorta laughed, "You drink?"
Sarcastically I was like, "Oh yeah! That's what I did! No, really I'm straight edge, I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or have promiscuous sex."
"That's a good thing for a mother to hear."
"I don't see the point on doing something that will screw up my life and hurt my body."
Yeah that was pretty much the conversation. Oh I started another story...like I need another one. I already have 7 I'm writting. Maybe I'll actually finish this one. It's about this girl in an asylum. I wrote the first chapter and I like it so we'll see how far I get before I stop and start something else. Nothing else really happened today.
Music: Miracle by Rock Kills Kid
Random thought: My eyes are really heavy
Mood: Tired

lala, I need some kind of miracle. Someone to let me know that they won't let go. When I'm awake at night, I want to see the light, lala