He died at 3.. I wasn't informed until I got off work because my dad wanted to be there to comfort me. I don't think it has fully hit me. I haven't really cried and I seem to be numb. I feel like shit though. My chest hurts and I have a slight headache. I'll probably not go to work tomorrow. I don't want to close again. I have had two shitty closes in a row. I'm just too stressed out for this. I am running off of coffee right now and barely any food. If I eat anything I know I will get a sharp pain in my chest plus I have no appetite. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm a mess. That picture of me is so old, I'm gonna change it. I spent the night at the nursing home. I'm only home now so I can shower and go to work. Then I'm gonna go back. My grandpa isn't doing well. I'm not going to lie to myself and say he's going to get better. He's going to die probably tonight. I'm just hoping to be there. I'm the youngest person there. My dad said that if I wasn't 18 he would never have let me go. He is drowning. His lungs are filling with fluid and they can't do anything about it so he is just going to slowly drown to death. He sounds like a bubbling river with deep gasping breaths. Fluid will coming from his mouth. I made the mistake of looking at him in the eyes. God, it was the worst thing to see in my life. I can't even explain what I saw. I saw death. I saw emptiness. I saw blackness. I saw everything. I saw nothing. Black holes. I saw all this in a second. This is so hard.