May I just say, this site is a pain in the ass to log into. I swear it hates me. I have the hardest time loging in. So I'm tired so just a warning, this post might be umm how to say it...weird and probably will stray off topic a lot. So last night I found out, Kathie is finally going to get her surgery. It's about damn time. Our heathcare sucks ass. Well anyways, Mons didn't come over. Kinda wanted to sit alone anyway but I always do...I'm trying to fix that, believe me I'm trying. Anyways, Kathie screwed up the taxes her and my dad were doing online last night. She clicked send when my dad said not to so we aren't going to get the right about of money back or something. I was in the other room watching Fuse so all I heard was what was yelled. My dad is stressed now. What is pissing me off though is how Kathie uses me in arguments. She kept saying "Stop yelling. Alicia has been through enough trauma." And other things along those lines. I was getting so mad, I was about to go in there and say, "Alicia doesn't like to be used as a tool in an argument!" Since I'm on the topic of what is bothering me, Kathie is so childish. I know it's not her fault. It's the trauma she got as a child but still it's making me mad. Well more like aggravating me. Plus she doesn't listen. Oh whatever, so anyways after The Deresin Files or however the show is spelled, I went to my room, put my headphones on and blasted some AFI. It blocks out the yelling. So today, it was funny in the morning Mike introduces us to his new girlfriend. When he got to me he was like,
"This is Alicia, you can do anything to her and she won't stop you." He turns to me and says, "She likes AFI."
I turn to Erica and go, "I love you!"
Everyone laughs and Mike goes, "She breaths AFI."
Josh adds, "She masterbates AFI."
Then I got excited and go, "OOO!" I unzip my coat to show my shirt. "See, AFI!"
Yeah that was interesting. Um Chemistry was just review for Final. English was just about Mark Twain. US History was just a test. Dance we worked on our final that's due tomorrow and well we haven't even got all the moves and we need it memorize by tomorrow. Yeah that's what BSing is for. Um at lunch oh I spent the whole time talking to Steve. When he came up he barly said hi and he didn't hug us like normal and he sat on the ground near the window seat we were on. I knew something was wrong so I sat next to him on the floor.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I know something is wrong, tell me."
He finally gave in and told me. He is my only friend who is older than me. He's 18. He told me how people no longer care now that he's 18. Like people are like "You have problems? Who cares, so do I." and like people see him as like a sex offender. And we talked about the genderization this society has. I hoped I cheered him up. I did notice once though, he moved closer to me, which wasn't much because we were already pretty close. He also laid his head on my shoulder, lol. At the end of the day I was going to make sure he was alright so when I was walking up to the 3rd floor to go to Environmental Club, I was looking for him to see if he was okay. I was mumbling more to myself when I said, "Where's Steve?" but Mike answered.
"Right there, he just passed."
I was like "Dang it!"
"Why?"
"I have to make sure he's okay."
"He didn't seem sad."
I sighed and said, "Okay."
So yeah then I went to Environmental Club but left right away with Mons and Meggs so we could practice our dance. Everyone has it but me. I'm the problem, I keep screwing up. It sucks. Oh well, it's dance you can't really fail it. Oh! My mom called today. Yeah that's rare. We just talked and she said she wanted to see me this weekend, not likely but whatever. She said she was gonna buy me an MP3 player, again not likely but whatever. I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up because its not going to happen, she's going to let you down but yet I always end up getting hurt. I guess I never learn. She was happy I was straight edge though. We were talking and I was like,
"Yeah on Sunday I puked like 5 times. I had spent the weekend at meggs and mels"
She sorta laughed, "You drink?"
Sarcastically I was like, "Oh yeah! That's what I did! No, really I'm straight edge, I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or have promiscuous sex."
"That's a good thing for a mother to hear."
"I don't see the point on doing something that will screw up my life and hurt my body."
Yeah that was pretty much the conversation. Oh I started another story...like I need another one. I already have 7 I'm writting. Maybe I'll actually finish this one. It's about this girl in an asylum. I wrote the first chapter and I like it so we'll see how far I get before I stop and start something else. Nothing else really happened today.
Music: Miracle by Rock Kills Kid
Random thought: My eyes are really heavy
Mood: Tired

lala, I need some kind of miracle. Someone to let me know that they won't let go. When I'm awake at night, I want to see the light, lala

Beacuse I'm cool, I'm gonna make a top 20 list. Twice as cool as a top 10 list!

Top 20 songs played on my media player

20. Sappy by Nirvana
19. Beast and the Harlot by Avenged Sevenfold
18. Sometimes the Sun by The Lashes
17. The Hand That Feeds by Nine Inch Nails
16. These Things by She Wants Revenge
15. The Man Who Sold the World by Nirvana
14. Slow Down by The Academy Is...
13. I Am the Highway by Audioslave
12. I'll Cover You by Angel and Collins (RENT musical)
11. Polly by Nirvana
10. Kill Caustic by AFI
9. Can't Change Me by Chris Cornell
8. Ohio is for Lovers by Hawthorne Heights
7. Like a Stone by Audioslave
6. One Song Glory by Roger (RENT musical)
5. Another Day by Roger and Mimi (RENT musical)
4. Living in America by Roger and Mark (RENT musical)
3. Rest In Peace by Spike (Buffy musical)
2. What You Are by Audioslave
1. Shadow on the Sun by Audioslave

Now I just realised how unfair this is because I just recently updated all my AFI and a lot of these songs have been on here much longer so yeah that's not totally acurate. So expect another one of these again with a more acurate list. There should be more AFI and Aiden and Rise Against and such, oh well.

Music: Midnight Sun by AFI
Random thought: hehe whispers, faster and faster
Mood: Indifferent

Lala, O my sole love, I pray thee pity me from out this dark gulf where my poor heart lies. A baren world hemmed in by leaden skies. Where horror flies at night and blasphemy. For half the year the sickly sun is seen, the other half thick night lies on the land. A country bleaker than the polar strand. No beasts, no brooks, nor any shred of green, lala. *whispers* faster and faster

Is it really necessary to have a title? I think not, so I'm not gonna put one...unless I think of a really snazzy one by the end of this post. So today, yeah it was pretty boring but it did have some interesting points like in US History. I was like looking at the clock and in the corner of my eye I notice Eddy starting at me. I turn and look at him as he's turned in his seat to face me. I gave him a look like 'Yes? Can I help you?" And after a few moments of silence he goes, "You shouldn't wear purple eye shadow, it looks ugly."
I replied with, "It's not purple. It's blue and pink." It's actually blue, pink, red and black but whatever.
"Why don't you wear like natural colors?"
"I like this."
"Girls should wear like natural colors. You should wear it like..." He looks around. "Well all the girls are wearing dark make-up..." and after awhile of asking a couple girls if they were wearing make-up, he gave up and turned around again. It was interesting. Hmm other that it was pretty boring well if you must know, Zach looked good today. His hair looked straighter than normal and he looked good in his green shirt which was odd 'cos I normally like black...I don't know, I'm losing it. Oh I talked with Steve a few times alone which was a little wierd because I think before today the only other time we had been face to face, alone and talked was once when we were dating. We just talked and huged like normal but I don't know. Like I said above I think I'm losing it. I think I might like him...which sorta sucks because I didn't really when we were daing that's why I broke up with him. I thought of him as a friend. But this thing might just be in my head from not dating in a while. My feelings lie to me or maybe I lie to myself about them...hmm I don't know. It's all quite confusing. Ohhhhh yesterday!!! Great things! One, this is weird and I feel weird about this but oh well. Yeah I saw this picture ( http://singtometheirelegy.buzznet.com/user/photos/?id=4205664 ) and yes I saved on that site and my computer, I am that obessive. Well anyway, in that picture I realised that Jade has the cutest little butt! I smiled so much when I saw and I'm not a butt kind of gal so this is something. The other oooo yesterday thing, I saw the coolest hoodie! Like oh my god! It's so awesome looking. ( http://www.cinderblock.com/wc.dllWebStore~RViewItem~AFI~AFI-376~SID=01305741027157410271 ) When my dad came home with Kathie (his girlfriend) I was like "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Dad , dad, dad! Look, look, look at this hoodie! Isn't it awesome?!"
"Yeah its cool."
He wasn't that enthusiastic about it like I obviously was. I literally reapeated every word multiple times.
Then he asked, "How much is it?"
I cringed. "35."
"Well grandma said she gave you 20 to buy a coat."
"Yeah..." He didn't know that I had already broke that to buy like coffee or something like that.
"I get paid on the 9th then we'll get it."
Oh my was I excited. Then he walked away and I was like, "Kathie! Come look at the hoodie! It's awesome! Don't you think it's awesome?"
She looked at it and did her weird thing of "I appreciate it and your taste for it..." the rest was just blah blah blah to me. she says the same thing about my music. Well anyway there is one more thing. I wish I lived in California or at least Medford, Oregon! Gah! Why does AFI hate Washington? Medford is a 7 hour drive from here! I swear they hate it here! They always skip us. They have like 5 shows in Cali then they go to Medford then they skip us do a show in Vancouver then back to Cali then to Europe! When I read this I was like "You got to be kidding me!" There is no way my dad is gonna let me skip school to go all the way to Medford to see a show even if it is AFI. Well that's pretty much all that's interesting that's new. Oh hi scott! Haha yeah. Mons is coming over, possibly.
Music: Days of the Phoenix by AFI
Random Thought: My eyelids feel heavy...
Mood: Indifferent
Lala, the girl on the wall was always waiting for me and she was always smiling. The teenage death boys, the teenage death girls and everyone was dancing. Nothing could touch us then. No one could change us then. Everyone was dancing. No one could hurt us then. No one could see us then. Everyone was dancing, lala

So this is how it starts...

My first blog post! Yay, so yeah haven't really had a blog like this so umm yeah. I'll probably ramble a lot and say random stuff...mostly likely lyrics. Take this sadness and close your eyes love. Hey call the angels, this razor blade was ment for me. Awesome song. Yes...umm what to say? Want to know about my day? Alright, lets see...my life is pretty boring. Umm Monica and Ben like ditched today...Finals are next week...totally NOT looking forward to that. Chemisty was boring and well I think I'm gonna fail the final...stupid elements. Hmm English, if Monica hadn't been moody and stole back her book that I had borrowed from her I would have had something to read but instead I spent the whole period staring at the stupid white walls. (This pain never seems to...) But occasionally I looked at Zach...ah prettyness. Too bad he thinks I'm weird, sigh oh well I can only hope that is only what I think. Plus I think he might be an asshole...it's always the pretty ones. So yeah English was boring. Oooo I can make colors! Ok that was entertaining. Did I mention, I'm easily entertained? Oh well I am. Ok where was I oh yes, after English. I was talking to Melissa aka Mel in the hall and Zach walks by (I have 3rd with him too...and no I don't like him. I haven't even talked to the guy, I just think he's pretty plus I gave up on anything ever happening) well when he walked by, my eyes just happen to follow. When my gaze returned to Mel's she had a funny expression and I said, "What?! He's still pretty! I was still listening." She laughed and we both left for class. (Weightless, endless, faithless I'll adore you.) So I went to U.S. History...snorefest. I did my work pretty quickly like always and 'cos that loser Monica aka Mons wasn't there I had no one to talk to so yeah pretty much was a loser and stared at the wall again. I made a little small talk with the people around me but I'm anti-social so yeah. Anyway, when the bell rang I went to dance where Megan aka Meggs, Kelsey and I some how got on the topic of attempted suicides and deep emotional stuff and yeah it was fun. Talked about boys and all the lovely stuff instead of actually working on our dance final but once again Mons wasn't there so we were missing a person...yeah oh I should mention that Mons, Mel and Meggs form the M's...for later posts. Hmm this is getting long...oh well. So after dance was lunch, Josh, Meggs and I because we are loners we go up to the first floor and usually sit in our window seat away from the mass that is the lunch room but some whore stole our spot so we sat on the stairs because we can't go any farther up the castle at lunch. Later Steve joined us. Along with Jaquel. Yeah it was pretty boring lunch and some stupid Freshmen thought they were like hardcore or badass or something and was pouring water down the center of the stairwell and got like Josh and Steve wet. Yeah was yelled at them. After lunch I went to 5th period which is my T.A. (Teachers Assistant) class. Yeah it's for a ASL class...American Sign Language. Yeah I had already took all the classes so I know the language pretty well. Yeah and Mons is also a T.A....we broke the rules with that one but once again that skank was gone so I was all alone. I stole Sophia's MP3 player and listened to AFI and I didn't get in trouble because I can break the rules. I just graded papers all period. Last period was Algabra 3...what fun and walking to class I realised Ben wasn't here today so I had no one to talk to all period. We usually talk all period instead of doing our work but no he was gone. Instead of staring at the wall I decided to talk to Sarah, that was slightly awkward. I don't really know her so there was some awkward silences and yeah but we mostly spent the time making fun of Bryan. Then I rode home with Josh on the bus. I'm a 17 year old loser that doesn't even have her permit. So anyways, when I got home I sent a couple of my poems to my cousin so she could use them in her english class and then checked Jade's blog which got me to deciding to make one myself so here I am writing a very long blog post that no one will read. And I believe that was probably I run on sentence. So yes...that was my day...have any ideas for other blog posts? Just say something and I'll love you forever.
Music: Pray For Me by Love Equals Death
Random Thought: It's dark in here...
Mood: Blah
Lalala I don't want to face another night like this lalala